Ok, let me back track a little bit. First off, I have a Costco membership thanks to my friend Mimi. Secondly, I love Costco muffins, especially blueberry and poppy seed/almond. I bought some a couple weeks ago, but froze the rest as we couldnt finish them. Today for breakfast the kids wanted a muffin, so I said yes and pulled some out of the freezer.
As we were eating, and enjoying those delicious muffins, my youngest daughter was complaining about her blueberries. I dont know why, shes 3.5...its her age. She complains about anything that strikes her fancy. I was telling her how she loved blueberries, and she always has, ever since she was a baby. They were her favorite fruit. But as I was telling her how much she did like them, I was struck with the memory of how Barry would say Blueberry.
Blu-burr-ee.
He actually adopted this way of saying it from one of his favorite XM Radio Personalities. I cant remember if it was Opie or Anthony, one of the two. Blueberries were Barrys favorite fruit too. He really didnt like the taste of fruit, but was a blueberry eating fool. Actually, this past summer the kids and I were picking LOADS of blueberries, almost 40lbs, and my freezer is still full of berries, a pie, and a few blueberry buckles. He ate a lot of it while he was home in August actually, he loved his Blueberry Pie and Blueberry Buckle. Barry always thought it was funny to say it like that, I can even hear his voice saying it in my head. Blu-burr-ee.
As soon as I remembered this, I pushed it from my mind. I couldnt even bring myself to tell the kids, even though it was funny, because it was a memory.
What is wrong with me? I cant handle the memories. Im afraid to remember, but Im also afraid that I will forget if I dont remember. What happens if I dont write all the memories down? Will they fade with time, or will they just pop up like they did this morning? its too hard for me to write things down unless Im blogging about it, though I cant blog about every single memory. Some of them are too sad, some are too private, and its too hard to write about it, even in a journal in list form.
Is this my mind subconsciously making me cope? By making me not ready to write things down? Or is it just biding its time and waiting for me to be ready?
I wish I knew.
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