Ive been asked recently when I was going to post again, and my first thought was "I dont know, I dont really feel like writing". But maybe I need to, I think so at least. Writing helps me deal with my feelings, and it is so beneficial to get those out on "paper".
Im doing a bit better since my last post, but Im still dealing with a lot of those emotions that I mentioned, being frustrated and angry at couples, and bitter at my situation. It has passed for the most part. I still havent called the counselor. Not on purpose, but because I have been so pre-occupied right lately. Youll also notice that on the 10th, I purposely did NOT post. I did not want to post. I didnt want to be reminded that Barry had been dead for 11 months. I find it so hard to believe that it has been that long already. How different my life is this September, compared to last year when Barry was still healthy at this time. He got sick shortly after though, I remember him being sick for a couple weeks. You know what the sad thing is, I was really worried about him. I was scared for him. I had a bad feeling, but I couldnt put my finger on it. I was afraid he would die, and I told him that. I was very scared, but why was I so worried? It was just the flu, or so we thought. He assured me that if he thought he was going to die, that he would go to the hospital. And then he came home to go to the hospital. Unfortunately, my intuition was right.
Enough with the sad crap though, I need to update on our lives here! September 8th the kids all started school. Because we moved back in April, the kids were starting at a new school. So it really has been a year of changes for us, new house, new neighborhood, new lives, new school, new friends. They are adjusting well, and making new friends and love their new school. We do miss our friends at the old school, but the good thing for us is that we are still in the same area we were before, so all their friends are still close and no further driving distance (we moved down the street).
Yesterday was As first day of pre-k. She dressed herself, and was so very excited to go to school. Her first day went great, she is making friends already and the parents are very friendly from what Ive seen so far. Im very happy with the school I chose. She will go four days a week in the afternoons from 1-4. It is a nice break for me, I get a little time to myself to re-charge. She was so proud of herself yesterday morning before we left. I told her how proud Daddy would be of her, and how big of a hug he would give her. She said to me "how am I supposed to hug him?", and I told her to hug her heart.
We all talk about Barry often, it has started getting easier. Just the other day at dinner, we were joking and laughing about some of the silly stuff he would do. Yes, it is still hard to believe he is gone. Even after almost a year, I still have trouble accepting the fact. We all miss him so much, and that will never change. But talking about him is getting easier.
My big news is that I started running. I think I may have mentioned that before, feeling the need to have the adrenaline release. I just want to feel my feet pounding the pavement. About a week or so ago, I purchased the C25K app for my iPod touch, which is the Couch To 5K program. I dont know how far I ran yesterday (my plan is to do it while A is in school) , but it was a 31 minute program. The app staggers running for a minute and walking for 90 seconds. I thought I was going to pass out at some times, but I DID IT! I completed the first day without stopping or giving up. I was hot, sweaty, and exhausted afterwards. I am so proud of me. I actually did it!!! I will do running day 2 tomorrow, and Im already looking forward to it. Ill have to take two weeks off the program while we are in Florida, but with all the walking well be doing Im sure well be ok.
Speaking of Florida...we leave in LESS THAN THREE WEEKS!!!!! We are so incredibly excited. The kids are really gearing up for the trip, and Ive started to get us ready. Ill probably start packing soon too. Yes, I know it is early, but with 5 people going away for two weeks I need to be prepared. I also need to get the pets stuff ready for the kennel. I do plan on taking the lap top with me, so I will do my very best to blog while we are there. I know the one year anniversary will pass while we are there, and I want to write that day, but I will probably do a pre
On October 10th, I am not sure what we will be doing as a family. I think we may get some balloons and each write a special message to Barry on them, and release them. Does anyone have any other good ideas?
Well, it is time to get my day started. Ill try to write more often, but the next few weeks are incredibly busy for me...harass me if Im not writing enough.
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