They had been bugging me for years, and the bottom right one still hadnt pushed all the way through, and was coming in sideways, so I decided it was time to get them removed. I wasnt that scared of getting my teeth pulled, but more of being put out for the entire surgery.
When I arrived there on Monday morning, I was instructed to change into a gown. Wait, why do I have to wear a gown? Well, I did anyway. So I walked down the hallway in my hospital gown, yoga pants and sneakers. No bra! haha. I also had a hair net thingy magiggy on my head. They really take things seriously at Dr. Jacksons office!
I was sitting in the chair and they were prepping me for the surgery, and for some reason I started to talk about Barry. Why? Why did I start to talk about him? I think for me right now it is a coping mechanism, I tend to do it when I am nervous. They put a cuff on my arm to take my blood pressure and keep it on while I was under. Well, I was so nervous that my blood pressure was 161/120! That is way too high. I remember remarking to the nurses how amazing it was how different situations affect your body more than you know, and little did I know, but talking about Barry was raising my blood pressure. I was able to calm myself down thankfully, by taking deep breaths and just thinking peaceful things.
Then I got the oxygen mask.
I got scared, and very anxious. Tears were squeezing out of the corners of my eyes.
I wasnt scared for myself, I was scared for Barry. Knowing that he went through this, that he had an oxygen mask on his face almost constantly for a week. And I hated knowing that I was goign through the same thing. I started to get panicky, even more so after Dr Jackson put the IV in my hand. It hurt.
Its the same scenario as I had with the face masks during my Grief Works group. Just the mere sight of these items makes me anxious. To be honest, I dont know that I will ever recover from that. What I went through in October is one of the most traumatic events someone can ever go through, to be there at your loved ones side as they take their last breath. To see them incapacitated in the hospital, helpless and at the mercy of life. Hooked up to so many machines you cant even count them. Hearing so many beeps and different sounds. It will forever be etched into my mind. Always. I will never forget, and I am almost positive that it will always affect me, for the rest of my life.
So you can imagine how I felt having an oxygen mask on my face, and an IV in my hand.
I remember remarking to the nurses how relaxed I was starting to feel after Dr Jackson put the IV in, haha. Something about how I liked morphine when I had my c-sections. I remember talking about the oxygen mask and my blood pressure and being scared, and that it would be something to blog about. Then the last thing I remember is Dr Jackson putting the IV in and telling me hed be giving me something to relax me.
I woke up in recovery! I dont know how long I was out for, maybe a half hour? I tell ya, it was so worth being put out. I have recovered pretty well, no swelling or bruising. Today was the first day I was able to eat real food though, and Ive taken it pretty easy still. My teeth still hurt, and I am still taking my drugs. I forgot to do my salt water rinses until today...oops! But I already have soft tissue growing back, so I think I should be OK.
I hope one day I can get over my fear of anything hospital related, but I dont think I will. It will be with me for always, Im sure.
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