I like to coin my extreme weight loss after Barry died "The Death Diet". I lost about 11 pounds the week he was in the hospital, and then 50lbs total by mid January I think, and Ive lost almost 80 total. Its not that case for every widow and widower, some of them gain weight. For me, I couldnt eat. Everything tasted like sand to me. I did eat still, but not what I did before. I lost all taste for anything sweet...but now, that craving has come back. I know that is normal after losing a spouse, your taste buds come back, you usually gain some of that weight back etc etc.
I have gained a bit back. Not too much, just in the last few months actually having a man around haha, maybe 5lbs or so. Its enough though that I can see it in my face and I dont like it one bit. I feel pretty good where I am right now, I am in between two sizes, which is 5-6 sizes smaller than I was when Barry died. I was really heavy. And I mean REALLY heavy for much too long, so it was a bit hard for me to see this whole new body that Barry couldnt enjoy. And now another man gets to enjoy it, but thats ok...Im not bothered by that part anymore.
I want to lose more weight. Id like to lose another 75lbs. Truthfully, I have no idea what I weigh. I have a general idea, but Im not sure how accurate that scale was. Back in December I had a nurse come to my house to do a medical exam for my life insurance, and when she weighed me, I was horrified. But then, she also travels around with her scale, and who knows how accurate it is if its getting moved around all the time. I guess my Wii was wrong all along...ooops. That being said, I embraced the new weight, and then forgot about it. What I really judge myself by is how my clothes fit. Where I am right now, I want to lose another 2-3 jean sizes. For me, that is between 50 and 75lbs, so right at my goal.
I started the Fat Smash Diet again today. I hate this diet, but I love it at the same time. When A was just a baby, a few months old, I did it and managed to lose a good 22lbs in 6 weeks. I want to do that again. Theres nothing wrong with it, just the first nine days are pretty extreme because you are detoxing your body from all the sugar.
Id like to do an update every week on it, or every couple days...Ill see how I am feeling. But to start with, today for breakfast I had a large banana, and then I made a homemade blueberry smoothie. The smoothie was made with a 6oz container of Yoplait Light Blueberry Yogurt, a cup of milk, 4 large strawberries, a couple heaping tablespoons of ground flax seed and a liberal dosage of frozen blueberries I had from last summer. It was good, but not my favorite. Usually I do my smoothies with pineapple juice just for a little sweetener, and this had nothing. Not too bad though.
My first short term goal is...well, I dont really know to be honest. Ill just be happy if I am down 1 jean size by August when I go to Camp Widow. Two would be ideal, but Id be happy with 1. How about.my goal is I am down 1 size by my 31st birthday in July? I think I can do that, if not sooner.
Wish me luck!
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