Ralph and Frances

Today I FINALLY got to go to Costco! Yaay! Ive been waiting a long time to go.

There isnt really much to tell about my trip, to be completely honest. I stocked up on quite a few freezer items. I got pizza, orange chicken, broccoli, frozen chicken thighs, frozen boneless skinless chicken tenders, lots of bread, hash browns and a few other freezer items. Snacks were a plenty in my buggy, I tend to buy a lot of granola bars, crackers etc, because the school is pretty strict on what the kids are eat there (no nut products, nothing sugary or unhealthy. Basically fruit, veggies, crackers, granola bars, that type of thing). Also got some milk, cheese, sandwich meat, canned soup and veggies, rice crackers (YUMMY!!!), some baking supplies, vanilla,trash bags, zip lock freezer bags, the legendary Costco Muffins in Blueberry and Poppy Seed, LOTS of fruit, a rotisserie Chicken for dinner because I didnt feel like making my own, and other random stuff I forgot to write down here. I was in a hurry this morning and not able to make a list, so I winged it. Im going to plan my menu this week, and go back on Friday when I have more time to shop and concentrate.

One of my favorite finds of the day was an accessory kit for the Wii. I found the boy two Star Wars Light Saber Wii controllers for Christmas. Hes going to LOVE them! Im actually almost done shopping for him. I am waiting on an Amazon order to come in, have one more lego set to get, and a Wii game at Target, and Im done! I also bought Season 3 of Futurama because thats one of my favorite shows. I wanted to pick some of the other ones up, but the baby wanted that one, so thats the one we got.

Youre probably wondering why I titled the post Ralph and Frances. Well, everyone knows Frances was the name given to my freezer, haha. Ralph is because the baby, well, ralphed all over herself and the floor in costco. It was gross. She then proceeded to do it in the van, and on the parking lot outside of the van. I think she just had an over abundance of Halloween candy, and it upset her stomach a bit. Shes all better now though, which I am happy about because we have MOPS tomorrow. Thankfully no fever either!

I dont feel inspired to write tonight. The post felt almost forced to me. I just wasnt in a writing mood. Dealing with a busy morning, a puky pre-schooler, busy kids after school, Im just exhausted. I am planning on writing a "Dear Barry" post this weekend or by the 10th, since it will be 4 weeks on saturday that he passed. Keep an eye out for that, Ive already got a good idea in my mind, as to what I want to say.

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Blueberry Muffins A Coping Mechanism

While eating breakfast this morning with the kids, I was reminded of Barry again all because of a Blueberry muffin.

Ok, let me back track a little bit. First off, I have a Costco membership thanks to my friend Mimi. Secondly, I love Costco muffins, especially blueberry and poppy seed/almond. I bought some a couple weeks ago, but froze the rest as we couldnt finish them. Today for breakfast the kids wanted a muffin, so I said yes and pulled some out of the freezer.

As we were eating, and enjoying those delicious muffins, my youngest daughter was complaining about her blueberries. I dont know why, shes 3.5...its her age. She complains about anything that strikes her fancy. I was telling her how she loved blueberries, and she always has, ever since she was a baby. They were her favorite fruit. But as I was telling her how much she did like them, I was struck with the memory of how Barry would say Blueberry.

Blu-burr-ee.

He actually adopted this way of saying it from one of his favorite XM Radio Personalities. I cant remember if it was Opie or Anthony, one of the two. Blueberries were Barrys favorite fruit too. He really didnt like the taste of fruit, but was a blueberry eating fool. Actually, this past summer the kids and I were picking LOADS of blueberries, almost 40lbs, and my freezer is still full of berries, a pie, and a few blueberry buckles. He ate a lot of it while he was home in August actually, he loved his Blueberry Pie and Blueberry Buckle. Barry always thought it was funny to say it like that, I can even hear his voice saying it in my head. Blu-burr-ee.

As soon as I remembered this, I pushed it from my mind. I couldnt even bring myself to tell the kids, even though it was funny, because it was a memory.

What is wrong with me? I cant handle the memories. Im afraid to remember, but Im also afraid that I will forget if I dont remember. What happens if I dont write all the memories down? Will they fade with time, or will they just pop up like they did this morning? its too hard for me to write things down unless Im blogging about it, though I cant blog about every single memory. Some of them are too sad, some are too private, and its too hard to write about it, even in a journal in list form.

Is this my mind subconsciously making me cope? By making me not ready to write things down? Or is it just biding its time and waiting for me to be ready?

I wish I knew.

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