Senin, 04 April 2016

I know Ive said it quite frequently, but this diet is the hardest thing Ive ever done. Everyday I learn something new about myself, sometimes those are positive things and sometimes those are things I need to improve.

This weekend I learned something that I am definitely filing in the "Need to Improve" category. I am sabotaging my diet. That is my biggest problem right now. Ive been eating terribly, and as a result, my diet has suffered. I know the ins and outs of this program, and I have experienced first hand how successful it is, and yet I am having the hardest time staying dedicated.

When I realized that my diet difficulties are the direct result of self-sabotage, I wanted to figure out why. Why am I ruining something Ive work so hard for? The cheats are not worth it, and I know that, but for some reason that isnt enough. Im stuck.

I put a lot of thought into this situation knowing that I needed to find the source of the sabotage. I narrowed it down to three major mental roadblocks.

1. Fear - I try to be courageous in a lot of areas in my life, but for a long time I hid behind my weight. I concluded that my inability to find a guy and have an amazing relationship was due to the fact that I was overweight, and no one found me attractive. The last time I weighed what I do, I was just starting to gain interest in boys. My biggest fear is getting to my goal weight and still not being able to find someone who loves me and wants to be with me. Maybe that sounds a little co-dependent, but look at it from this angle: all these years Ive blamed my lack of romance on my weight. What happens if I lose all the weight and that problem still exists, it means that the problem wasnt my looks... it was me, it was my personality. That terrifies me.
In a lot of ways I think we all have our fears when it comes to losing weight. Now that I know what mine is I can try to be more rational. Just because Im worried about my personal life, doesnt mean I dont deserve to be healthy, because I do. Healthy is ultimately more important than having a relationship. Keeping this in mind, I can try to overcome this fear by reminding myself that love isnt the reason Im losing weight, there are hundreds of other reasons that are far more important. I should hold to those reason, not my fear.

2. Stress - It seems like my life is changing in a lot of ways. I have some exciting projects at work that I have recently taken on. I moved out of my parents house into a new neighborhood with a new roommate. I went through a break up, and my family is preparing for the loss of a dear loved one. All this considered, Ive spent less time focusing on my diet and allocating that attention in all of those different places. I need to find a way to relax. While Im still working on it, the fact that I recognize the problem will help me recognize when Im feeling stressed.

3. Bad behavior - For so long I had a habit of eating terrible foods. Then I started this diet and formed a new habit of eating healthy and keeping track of everything I consume. The new healthy habit took the place of the bad one, but not before a lot of practice and determination. When I cheated, it didnt take my body long to remember that old bad habit, and suddenly that new habit was reset. Now, Ill start from the ground up and rebuild that new habit. Now I know how quickly my body relearns bad habits and before I cheat on my diet I need to remember that. Is it really worth it to have to re-learn how to say no to bad food? I would say no. 

What are your diet roadblocks? Do you share any with me? 

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