Selasa, 05 April 2016

I never thought that the end of my fourth round on the HCG Diet would actually be the beginning to such an emotional journey. It felt wonderful shedding the weight and watching my body transform day by day; I am incredibly grateful for the situations and people who motivated me to stick to such a difficult diet to allow that transformation to occur.

Pound by pound I uncovered a physical body that I thought was long gone. And while everyone around me was celebrating this accomplishment I was hiding something. The more weight I lost the more emotionally unstable I felt. In fact, it was almost like the more weight I lost the more insecurities I gained.

 Sometimes I feel an incredible amount of pressure to lose weight. Sometimes I dont deal with that pressure in healthy ways. At times I let it build to the point where I break down and eat foods that are extremely unhealthy. The feeling I get before I binge does not come from self love, I feel anxious and nothing like myself. Binging always seems like the answer at the time, but afterwards I feel ugly, guilty, and ashamed. Its hard to bounce back from a bad day when youre enveloped in those feelings.

When I finished my fourth round of HCG I started to feel more and more out of control. I was obsessing about food, my body and the scale. At times I would weigh myself up to six times per day. I felt like I was slipping lower and lower into behaviors that were hurting my healthy more than helping it.

The whole point of losing weight was to regain control over my body. For so long I felt like a prisoner to food, I started losing weight to set myself free. 100 pounds lighter, I was still letting food control me, just in a different way. I didnt feel free at all. I felt scared. I realized that if I didnt do something to fix my problem with emotional eating, I was heading for an eating disorder.

I think most people assume, like I did, that theyll do a diet and lose weight and theyll be happy. Maybe for some that works, but most of us gained weight as a result of emotional eating. Take the weight away we may be skinnier, but were still dealing with the same emotions that led us in to the arms of good ol Ben and Jerry in the first place.The emotional wounds that drove me to 285 pounds still exist now that Im 185 pounds. A diet wont fix those. I have to fix them. If I dont fix them they will continue to control me.

Realizing this was overwhelming. I decided to get help. And for the first time in a very long time, I feel happier and more in control of my body.

HCG did wonders for me physically, but no diet can heal the emotional damage being overweight caused. That healing comes from within.

Im working through my issues with emotional eating. I know Im not the only woman who struggles with binge eating and if you take one thing from this blog its this: youre not a failure, youre not perfect and youre not alone. You dont need to be perfect; strive for health, not perfection. With health comes physical, mental and emotional wellness. When youre losing weight youre taking care of your physical wellness, but you wont be completely happy until youre taking care of not only your physical wellness but your mental and emotional as well.

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