3 Week Diet Review 2015 – Does It Really Work

The 3 week diet plan is a science-based weight loss program that guarantees a user to lose 12-23 lbs. of body weight in only 21 days. The primary creator of this unique weight-reduction program is Brian Flatt who is a sports nutritionist, head coach and personal trainer and has worked for many years in his specialised area. He has taught several of his followers to effectively lose stubborn fat and also build powerful muscle. The 3 Week Diet Plan is a special online 95-page ebook divided into many segments such as exercise, diet, motivation, mind-set and will power. Some of these segments include the following:

1. The Introduction Manual – This manual is composed of 43 pages and it contains usual information and know-how about the different weight-loss methods and factors.
2. Diet Manual – The diet manual is comprised of 22 pages and explains about the 4 phases of the complete diet Program and some useful tips for fast results.
3. Workout Manual – This segment of the guide is made from 17 pages in total. As the name suggests, this manual describes about the significance of full body workout. It lays down specific instructions and rules of carrying out exercises for weight loss such as walk, warm ups, and consistency. Some other effective workouts like the goblet squat, ab blasters and bent-over row are explained in this segment of the guide.
4. Mindset and Motivation Manual – This segment consists of 13 pages and includes important tips to strengthen your will power, create a new mindset to lose weight effectively and keep a track of those initiatives.

What is 3 Week Diet System?

The 3 week Diet is a unique dietary plan made for all those users who are serious about losing stubborn fat through changes in their diet. It is a 96 page guide created by its creator Brian Flatt who says that the users can lose 10-20 pounds of body weight in just three weeks or so. It is not a very strict dieting regime that is not too time consuming or very difficult to follow. Brian Flatt is a famous sports nutritionist and health coach who created the three week diet plan after 12 years of research. Several users have tried this scientifically proven weight loss system and have reaped sweet benefits out of it.

Brian Flatt has a degree in biology from San Diego State University and he has been in the fitness industry since the 90’s. Brian is the owner of Rev Fitness that is based in Southern California. Getting started with the three Week Diet System is very simple. All you need to do is to make the payment online to the official website of this system and begin downloading the manuals and related material. First, calculate your personalized diet schedule according to your body requirements. Next, go through all the four user manuals and create a full nutrition and workout plan for yourself. Finally, begin the program in a step-by-step and strict manner from the next day onwards.

The main idea behind this special diet plan is to make the body store the fat already present for energy requirements. After this occurs, the body enters the starvation mode and will start burning the stored fat to fuel heart, liver and other important organs. The three week diet plan is extremely safe and scientifically proved program and is guaranteed to work on every man and women. The users who have tried this diet plan have experienced positive results and successfully lost 10-20 lbs. of unwanted body weight. Brian Flatts has divided this guide into four main parts to clearly explain its concept.

In his guide, the author has mentioned about the various weight loss tips in detail. For example, the nutrition and dietary plans, improving metabolism to burn fat faster and specific weight loss tips. If the user is really serious about losing unwanted body weight then it is essential to follow the four phases of weight training as given by Brian himself. The details about these phases are shared below:

Phase #1 – Detoxification

The first phase is meant for those people (men and women) who wish to rid the stubborn body fat quickly. Users can lose a lot of weight by following the given instructions in this phase. People have even lost 10-15 lbs. after this phase. The main objective of this phase is to cleanse the body through the process of detoxification.

It majorly focuses on the liver as it is a fat pumping organ. Brian Flatt recommends taking a lot of vitamins A, D and C that help to detoxify body organs especially the liver, increase sensitivity of insulin and improve the adrenal function of fat burning in your body. A total of 17 vegetables and 6 sources of protein are allowed in this diet plan and the users need to follow this phase for seven days before they can move to the next one.

Phase #2 – 24 hrs Fasting

After finishing the first phase, the user would move on to the next phase which is 24 hours fasting. The user needs to start his fasting from the last meal of the seventh day till dinner on the eight day. Fasting is a good natural process to burn fat. It detoxifies your liver and other organs and maintains a fat burning environment. On the dinner on the 8th day, user has the freedom to eat whatever he likes but must try to maintain carbohydrates level in check.

Phase #3 – Fat Fast

The third phase or the Fat fast phase means what it says that is it does make the body lose fat through fast and scientifically proven methods. This phase commences on the 9th, 10th and 11th days and the efficiency of liver is properly checked in this phase. In this phase, the body keeps burning the stored fat from the belly and hips region.

After the two earlier phases, the body starts to crave for fat and it is important to note that it does require some amounts of fat as essential. After the regular limit of consuming calories from fat, the body signals the liver to start consuming fat for energy requirements from the muscles. Therefore, it is necessary to provide some quantities of fat to the body.

Phase #4 – Your Unique BMR

This is the last phase that continues from day 12-21. In this 9-day phase, users are allowed to consume limited amounts of calories based upon their unique BMR and weight loss objectives. There are 2 main steps as prescribed by Brian. In the first phase, the user needs to determine his or her BMR and in the second phase the user needs to know how much calorie they need to take based on their unique BMR. By following this method precisely the users would be able to achieve the desired lean look which they want or a smart six-pack abs whichever they like.

3 Week Diet Pros:

Here are the main advantages of the 3 week diet plan as given by Brian Flatts:

• The Three Week Diet is ideal for busy people – Brian invented this unique program for very busy people that do not find spare time to devote to their health and diet. The three week diet review program only asks for 20-30 minutes of light exercising for 3 days in a week which is not that difficult.
• Three week diet program is a well-recognized and scientifically proven method to burn fat from your body. A good feature of this plan is that Brian Flatts has tested his latest program on himself first and then revealed it to the users. Therefore, it is safe to try and is guaranteed to work.
• Three week diet plan is a fast-action and result-oriented weight loss program unlike the many others. The notion that only slow weight loss is Safe and Healthy is not true at all. Most people are not focused and motivated to lose weight and this is why don’t achieve the results through other diet plans. But, the 3-week diet plan guarantees to work on your body fat in just 21 days, if you promise to abide by all instructions and tips.
• It has a 60-day full money back guarantee so the user should feel assured and confident in using it.
• Besides, Brian Flatt is a renowned health expert since many years and has received much positive feedback from consumers all over the world.

3 Week Diet Cons:

As we know that no diet plan made till now is perfect in all sense. Same is with the 3 week diet plan. Its main disadvantages are:

• The three week diet plan is available in digital form only and can be downloaded via the Internet from its official website only.
• The three week diet plan does make light exercising mandatory for the users along with strict adherence to diet plans.
• It makes the user spend a bit extra in the form of supplements and other substances.
• The program is available only in a soft copy form, hard copy form is unavailable.
• Some of the users have complained that the topics could have been elaborated more that would have made it easier to understand.

3 Week Diet : Conclusion

3 week diet system doesn’t cost much (its $47) to own. On top of it, there is a full 60-day money back guarantee for the users and those who aren’t satisfied with the product can demand a full refund. The online guide which is downloadable from the official site comes in the pdf format.

Therefore, users don’t have anything to lose in trying this excellent program. The creator of this wonderful weight loss online guide is Brian Flatt, who is a health and nutrition expert since the past many years and has received positive feedback from many users. The best thing about the 3 Week Diet Review plan is that it is guaranteed to work on every man and woman regardless of their age, ethnicity or body shape. I will highly recommend it to every person looking to lose weight in a safe and natural way.

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I CAN Do It MYSELF

I know Ive been promising this post for awhile. I dont have time to write it, but Im making time.

Through ten years of marriage, I became quite dependant on Barry. He was always the one I relied on, we always discussed major decisions and I probably was a bit too dependent. I know that now, and I knew that then too, but oh well, it was me! That was me for the longest time, and now Ive had to forge a new me.

This new me has been FORCED to become independent. There is no one else to rely on but myself. And I hate it. I despise it. I abhor being the responsible one. I dislike having to make all the major decisions. I hate this aspect of widowhood with a passion. I have made so many decisions in the last almost 5 months that I have become overwhelmed.

To add insult to injury, many things have gone wrong too, which just adds to me having to do things on my own. Like with my van. In the last couple weeks, Ive had an alignment done, the door actuators fixed, an oil change, the tires rotated, and now replaced, brakes fixed, a radiator leak fixed, and the rear bumper replaced because someone hit me. Ive grown tired of seeing my friends at Midas. Today should be the last day, my tires are getting replaced as the tread on them is pretty low. But, the van has had those tires since before we bought it three years ago, so I suppose its time to do it anyway.

But you know, I CAN do it all by MYSELF. I dont like it, but I can and am doing it. Ive bought a house on my own too! Ive handled all the van repairs on my own. Ive filled out countless forms for life insurance and death certificates. I planned the funeral and wrote the obituary (with some help I might add) and even spoke at Barrys funeral by myself.

Ive also outfitted an entire house by myself. This house stuff though has been the most stressful I think. Just the simple act of purchasing furniture has had my head spinning in all different directions. On tuesday at the furniture store, I really started to shut down towards the end. I couldnt do it anymore. I was able to pick out furniture for my living room, my bedroom, and the great room. But I spent a good 4 hours in the Macys store! Thats all done though, finally. Wednesday afternoon I went to another store and picked out my book shelves and TV stand, and a clock. I could feel myself shutting down again though, so I decided enough was enough and left. Tomorrow the kids and I are going back there to pick out V and Es beds and dressers, and As dresser, and my computer desk. After that, we will head to Sleep Country to get mine and V and Es mattresses. I still have to get minor things like dishes and some decor items, but the major stuff is done...except for a Piano. That can wait. Today I even picked out all my blinds for the new house, by MYSELF. I didnt even have my Realtor help, haha. I made all the decisions with the vendor, by MYSELF. Can I share a secret though? if I could, I would have hired an interior decorator/design person to do it all for me.

I can pack an entire house by myself. I can move into a new house by myself. I can pick out furniture and bedding and all that by myself. I can handle van repairs by myself. I can de-clutter a house by myself. I can make all the important decisions, like the kids changing schools, and where A will go to pre-school by myself. I can decide that its not a good idea for us to go to DC/PA, but that it is a good idea for us to go to Disneyland, by myself. And I can go to a movie tonight by myself...first time for everything, right?

I have often found myself wondering what would Barry think of all this? Would he like the decisions Ive made, would he like what I have picked out? But then I have to remind myself that while I value his opinion, hes dead. Hes not here anymore, and I cant constantly base my decisions on what he would have done. Im alone now, and though hes with me in my heart, and in my mind, hes not here in person for me to rely on. I cant ask him what he thinks of this piece of furniture, or that one, or what bed to get the girls, what tires I should get on the van, Ive had to do it by myself. Its a bit freeing though, to be completely honest, knowing that I CAN pick and choose what I want and not worry if he would like it or not. I had all these ideas of what I wanted to buy for my new house, the colors and all that stuff too, and when I went to pick it out, I went completely opposite of what I had in mind. Its so different from what we would have picked out together, but I think thats good in a way. Most of our stuff is being replaced, but the one piece I am keeping in the house, which doesnt even match my new kitchen all that well, is the table and chairs we bought a year ago. He and M put it together, and while it doesnt match my cabinets, that doesnt matter...he put it together. His hands pieced it together with the help of our son, and it will stay in my kitchen as our family table for a very long time.

Barry would be proud of me, proud of all the decisions Ive made on my own. He would say "I knew you could do it Joanna, and I am so proud of you! I always told you you could do it on your own, you never needed me to make all the decisions".

Ill tell you though, I am amazed that I have done it all by myself. Ive wanted to crawl into a ball and rock myself sometimes due to all the stress, but I havent. I will keep on keepin on, and get through this. Things will settle down eventually, the stress will dissipate and I will continue to do things on my own. I will develop a stronger skin, I will become even more independent than I already am, and I will get through it.

One day at a time, I can do it by myself.

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It Works! Wraps Review

Not too long ago I wrote a blog about products that can help tighten loose skin. Among the products I set out to try were the It Works! Wraps. Ive heard great things about these wraps and Ive seen some AMAZING before and after pictures, but my loose skin issue is pretty major. I guess Im just a skeptical person by nature so I was nervous I wouldnt see any results. But I was never going to know if I didnt try! So I decided to take the step and arrange for some It Works! representatives to show me the ropes.

On Wednesday, Brooke and Christina came into my office to wrap me up! I was a little nervous because I didnt know what to expect. First of all, its always awkward showing people my stomach, but then theres always the uncertainty that trying something new brings. Once they explained what the wraps do, I was more excited than nervous. Basically the wraps help your body release toxins from your fat layers. These toxins build up over time from foods you eat and can cause you to put on inches.

To start out Brooke took my before picture. She was very clear that every time I wrap I need to do pictures. Mainly because as women, we tend to be very critical of our bodies, and we may not see the results until we can look at photos side by side. Then I was measured by Christina. Measuring also needs to be done with each wrap. I was measured two inches above my belly button, around my belly button and then two inches below my belly button.

After the pictures and measurements  it was time for the application.

The gel thats used on It Works! wraps contains some great stuff like menthol, eucalyptus, vitamin B, rosemary, horse chestnut, guarana and green tea. It smells like menthol and is cool on your skin, kind of like Icy Hot.

We cut open the package, and rubbed the wrapper on my stomach so none of the gel went to waste. Then we rubbed the outside of the applicator on my stomach, unfolded the applicator and applied the gelled side centered over my belly button. We smoothed it out and wrapped plastic wrap around my torso, nice and tight!

Brooke and Christina said there are 10 things to remember while wrapping:
1. Drink lots of water before, after and during a wrap.
2. 72 hours after wrapping avoid ALL alcohol, caffeine, and aspartame
3. It  will take 72 hours to see the full effect of the wrap
4. You leave your wrap on for 45 minutes. After your first wrap you can leave it on up to 8 hours.
5. It is not recommended to work out the same day you do a wrap. Its best to wait until the next day.
6. You can do It Works! wraps every 3 days.
7. You can do two wraps at once but you must follow the hips above hips below rule, this means that you can wrap two things above your hips or two things below your hips but not both. So you can wrap your arms and your tummy, but not your legs and your arms.
8. You may experience a slight detox headache while using the wrap, try to avoid taking Ibuprofen or other medicines for it.
9. You may experience a detox bloat in the first 24 hours of using a wrap. Its temporary and people who experience this usually end up losing more inches at the end of the 72 hours.
10. Results last 2-6 months. If you start drinking alcohol and diet sodas after the 72 hours your results will most likely last 2 months. If you change your diet to lessen the toxins you are consuming, your results will last longer.

Speaking of results....we left the wrap on for 45 minutes then took it off and measured and took pictures.

My measurements show that I lost about 2 1/2 inches. I can see the most difference around my belly button.

Here are the results after 72 hours

I love how much flatter my stomach looks after just one wrap!

After the results I saw above, I will be using the product much more. I highly recommend it. I did another wrap last night and I have 2 more wraps to do before this treatment is complete, and you better believe Ill be posting more pictures. Im excited to see the changes in my stomach and I am confident that It Works! will help me tighten up some of the loose skin that I have after losing weight.

I am using the ultimate body applicator, and I also ordered the Defining Gel and the Greens. Ill be doing a review on those two products within the next two weeks.

If you are looking to try these out for yourself, you can order your wraps online here: https://gemini.myitworks.com/Shop

If you have any more questions about how these work feel free to e-mail Brooke, she has been great about answering my questions without pressuring me to try any products I dont want to. Shes also been great about helping me feel comfortable using the product on my own. Her email is geminiwraps@gmail.com.

Have you tried It Works! wraps? How did they work for you?

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MY LOW FAT DIET REALLY WORKS!

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On Being Vulnerable

Becoming a widow is probably one of the most devastating things that can happen to a woman, apart from losing a child, which I hope to never experience, as I am sure that would break me even more so than I already am.

It is raw. It is like being punched in the gut repeatedly. It is like getting your heart torn out while its still beating. And it makes you vulnerable. Oh does it ever make you vulnerable.

Im so afraid of this new label and what it means to me, how it defines me. Ill be completely honest, I am afraid to tell people I am a widow. Yes, I am a widow; My husband died in my arms and I will forever carry that heartache, but I dont want to be thought of as just a widow. It is me, yet it is not me. It is not all that I am, and it is not all encompassing. But I really am afraid of what people will think of me when they find out I am a widow, that they will have these pre-conceived notions of how I should be, act and do.

It really shouldnt matter to me what people think about me and my situation. Really, the only persons whose opinion matters is my own, but why am I so ashamed of me? Why am I scared of this label?

I met someone the other day who I didnt want to tell about my situation. I was afraid to tell the truth. See, I can tell people I am a widow. Hell, it says so on my twitter page and on my face book page that I am a widow. But I dont like to share the details of the past five months ago, or the fact that it was even five months ago. But my blog was found, and the whole five months of blog entries were read. I wasnt hiding it, but I wasnt exactly advertising it either. And you know what? Im am OK with that. In fact, I feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders because I dont have to hide anymore. I can be ME, I can cry and not be afraid of what will be thought of me. I can be open, and I can talk about it, and I dont have to stress about it anymore. I so very, very much appreciate the thoughtfulness and caring attitude I got after my blog was read, especially since I was so scared of the response I would get (yes, I know Im very public with it, but what can I say, Im a conundrum!).

I dont even know where I was going with this blog post. I feel like its all jumbled up. I was tired, and I wrote this off and on while watching "New Moon". I guess what I am really trying to say is that while its a very scary thing to be vulnerable, sometimes it is perfectly acceptable to be that way. I learned today that it is OK to be open with my feelings, and not worry what others will think about me. I think I have to learn to be more open, because if I am not, then it just eats away at me. Knowing I can tell the truth and not be judged is an awesome feeling. Just awesome.

And I just have to say, thank you to this person for making me realize that. I appreciate it more than you will ever know. Thank you for helping me overcome this hurdle without even knowing you did so.

Honesty really is the best policy.

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How Long Will It Be

I started writing this post over an hour ago, and I am just now getting to it. I am slow tonight! I had a few emails to catch up on, a thank you note to write, facebook to check. Lots to do! I wasnt planning on writing tonight, because frankly, I just cant do the grief thing day in and day out. I do know that thats why youre here, because it makes for a good read. And thats totally ok with me, please just be aware that I wont be "grief blogging" every day. I would say the majority of my posts will be about grief, but Ive still got that Advent Calendar post to publish.

Anyway...

Today the youngest was very tired and overwhelmed. We were cleaning the house all day, and she didnt get a nap in. Naps arent the norm for her, but once in awhile she will still take one. During one of her cranky fits, she was crying and crying and said "I want my daddy".

Just imagine me letting out the biggest sigh ever. The weight of the world on my shoulders.

All I can do for her is say "I know", and give her a hug and a kiss.

I dont know how to handle these types of instances. I know she is young, but how long will it be till she stops asking about him? All the kids have known is having Daddy gone for work, he started Trucking when the twins were just over a year old. And while he had a local trucking job for awhile, they were just 2-3, and E at the time was just brand new, and 1.5 when he started with his current job (well, it was his current job). So all the kids are used to him being gone, but the older three understand more. She doesnt. I want her to ask, I dont want her to stop asking, but I dont know how to explain to her about what happened, over and over and over. My usual response is something along the lines of: "Daddys heart was sick, and the doctors couldnt fix it, and then daddy died. Now he lives in our hearts and we can talk to him any time we want" etc etc.

I thought ahead to Christmas, and her birthday, and wondered if shes going to ask about him then. Why does she have to be so used to him being gone? Why did his job have to be such a curse and a blessing that way? I cant help but wonder if she will forget him. I dont want her to forget! I am scared she will stop asking about him, and forget he existed, because she is so young. I know that it is our duty to keep him alive for her, to relay memories and tell stories, look at pictures and watch the few videos we have. And sadly, that is all we have now, whatever exists in our hearts and our heads, the jpgs in the computer and the few videos I have wandering somewhere around the house.

And if she does ask, what the hell am I going to say? How do I explain to her that daddy can never come back? It breaks my heart to break hers. How can I tell her that No, daddy isnt working, he died and now he lives in our hearts? As I said earlier, she is used to him being gone, she doesnt get the finality of the situation.

I just dont know what to do!

And while I am on the topic of grieving, I am wondering how to handle day to day life with the kids. I feel like we arent grieving. OK, maybe we are, I know we all are, but around each other, we dont so much. I rarely cry in front of the kids. The boy doesnt like to talk about his feelings. V, the oldest, is always saying how much she misses him and does cry...she shows her grief the most. E, the middle child, is a lot like the boy and doesnt show her feelings very well.

It feels like were just going through the motions of day to day life as usual. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Is it bad that this is our life, having him gone all the time, and bad that were used to it? I will be bringing this up at our next grief support group, because I think that some of the other parents can give me some insight on this. I personally, do not know what to do, because I want us to miss him, I want us to cry and be sad, but it seems like we just dont know how because we are so used to him being gone.

I know for a fact that I have trouble grieving in front of the kids. I do cry occasionally in front of them, and I know they have heard me at night getting upset and crying, but I feel like I have to put on a front for them and just be the strong mommy. The grieving wife side of me doesnt get to come out usually unless I am by myself at night, or during the day if all the kids are gone at friends houses or school.

Does anyone have any ideas? I know youre all reading, so comment already :)

Its hard to believe Ive been a widow for almost 7 weeks. It will be 7 weeks on Saturday.

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Crossing Things Off My List

Last May I wrote a list of 20 things I want to do when Im skinny. 100 pounds and one year later, I am slowly starting to cross items off that list. Looking back at my journey, its incredible to see how far Ive come, and while its been hard, I feel incredibly blessed for all the challenges and struggles that have led me to this point.

1. Take a road trip to the beach
2. Go to a club and dance with a guy that I normally would think is out of my league
3. Wear shorts, it’s been over 5 years since I’ve worn shorts in public
4. Buy something from American Eagle other than a purse or shoes
5. Jump on a trampoline
6. Go bungee jumping
7. Try water skiing
8. Run a 5k
9. Take a hip-hop class
10. Buy a “little black dress” that’s actually little
11. Take a yoga class with my skinny best friend and feel just as pretty as her
12. Layout in my backyard in an itsy-bitsy bikini and tan.
13. Go swimming with a guy
14. Cartwheel across a football field
15. Join a gym.
16. Go to an amusement park and ride all of the roller coasters.
17. Go to my five year high school reunion and turn heads.
18. Buy something sexy from Victoria Secret.
19. Promise myself I’ll never go back my old weight.
20. Wear dresses and high heels 3 times a week.

Now, Ive blogged about buying something from American Eagle, joining a gym, buying something sexy from Victoria Secret, and vowing never to return to my old weight. But a I never posted about dancing at the club with a hot guy, or buying a little black dress, or swimming with a guy. :) And honestly, those have been some of my favorite memories from the past year! So since this is the one year anniversary of my 20 things list, I wanted to revisit those experiences.

Lets start with the night of dancing...

So the people who know me know that I am a huge nerd for the Utah Jazz. I grew up going to basketball games. And even though I have had several opportunities to meet players, almost every time I do I get SUPER nervous. Well, one night my roommate and I went with a group of friends to Club ONE in downtown Salt Lake City. It just so happened to be game night for the Jazz and they lost :(. You can imagine my surprise when Jazz guard Earl Watson walked into the club. Normally in this situation, I would have retreated to a corner, but for some reason I felt like my friends Janie, Jessica and I should go dance. As we moved through the crowd, we secured a spot near Watson. For some reason, I wasnt nervous. Janie and I danced and talked to Watson for quite awhile. He was a cool guy, and while Im sure he wouldnt remember who I am, thats one night I will never forget. The crazy thing is, that I know I wouldnt have done that at my previous weight, I didnt have the confidence to just stroll up to an NBA player and start up a conversation. But for some reason, when youre doing something as scary as transforming your body, everything else becomes far less intimidating. Next is the little black dress!

Last year I bought this dress.... It was black and adorable and I knew I wanted it to be my Little Black Dress. The only problem: it was pretty tight. So I stored it in my closet for months and months, trying it on periodically. Bit by bit it started to fit! Then finally, last month I put it on and felt completely satisfied with the dress. Awwww yeahhhhh... watch out world. Im coming for ya! Then theres swimming with a guy. 

Now, I am pretty self conscious about my legs and my arms. So it took a near miracle to put on a swimming suit and jump in a pool on a date. But I did it, and it was so much fun, and I never would have done that if it wasnt for taking charge of my life and realizing there was so much in this world I wasnt letting myself experience.

Losing weight is scary, I know. For a long time I convinced myself that all of the things I couldnt do because of my weight werent worth doing. I realize now I was just being stubborn and insecure in my thinking, but when it comes down to it my weight held me back, and I missed out on a lot of opportunities because of it. 

Im so happy that Ive already done 7 of the things on my list, and believe me when I say that there is no greater reward than the feeling of crossing something else off.
Whats on your list of 20 things to do when youre skinny?

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Two Months Ago

In Loving Memory
Barry N. Bender, Jr.
3-6-80 to 10-10-09

I will love you forever and always sexy man.

Ive been writing this blog post off and on for the past week, gleaning bits of information from myself to write today.

Today is the magical number two. Two months. 8 Weeks and 5 days exactly. 87,840 minutes.

It has been that long since Barry died.

And you know what? Im OK. I really am. most of the time. Today though, because it has been two months, I am sad. And I am crying, but I am OK. I am OK because I know that he loves me, and he will always love me. And I am OK because I know that I gave him his forever, even though he couldnt give it to me. I gave him the most love he could ever receive, I was a good wife, I was a good mother to his kids, I was his everything. He died knowing that I loved him, and that he was loved. And now in tribute to him, I am going to continue to live because that is what he would have wanted.

I still miss him terribly, but that awful heart wrenching pain has dissipated quite a bit. And for that I am thankful. I am thankful I can go to bed without crying, without feeling desperation all day, without feeling like I HAVE to grieve. I can go about a normal day and be a normal person. I love the picture that I posted of him. I took it this past summer at Fort Langley when we were visiting my mom. He rarely smiled in pictures, but in this one I can just see a smile coming out. I can look at it and see his mouth break open into a smile, while he looks at me. Even his eyes are smiling.

My cousin Heidi wrote a note on face book that really struck a cord with me. She wrote exactly how I felt, have felt, was feeling. She wrote about how you never think things are going to get better, and how it seems all youre going to do is hurt. But that time heals.

And its true, it really is. Time heals all wounds, even though it seems like complete bullshit when you first hear it.

To quote Barry,

"But in realizing death, we must also remember to live. Time heals all wounds. Grief is normal, and it will pass"

Ive had to repeat that to myself many times over the past two months. It seemed at first that nothing would get better, that I could never be happy again, that I would never get past this. And I really did walk around in a fog, just had this cloud above my head that was dark and thunderous. Eventually it started to go away, slowly, but its gone now. Sometime last month, a couple weeks before I wrote my post about "Its Time", is when I finally started feeling normal. I still wrote grief posts after that, because I felt I had to, but not because I wanted to. I felt it was expected of me. Like I had to bow to societys standards about how I have to grieve. But you know what? Fuck Society. Really. I dont care what everyone else thinks. Im an adult, I am independent, and I will make my OWN decisions and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks of me. I can thank Barry for helping me cultivate that attitude/view on life, because without him, I wouldnt have it. I will grieve in my own way, and if someone doesnt understand then they can just keep that to themselves.

Then I think about what he said, and I realize that time does heal all wounds. I can look back at him now and smile, and remember without my heart breaking. I still get teary eyed sometimes, and I will always miss him and love him. Hell never be forgotten. Hell always live on in us.

I had my ring cut off on Monday. I didnt feel right wearing it anymore. Im not married anymore, so why wear it? My fingers were too chubby to take it off myself, so I went to a local Jeweler, and had them cut it off. BUT BUT...Im also having mine and his re-soldered together, so they are intertwined. Not sure what Ill do with them after that, but Im not worried about that yet. They are very special to me, and we have the exact same ring, a plain gold band he bought from a German jewelery store. This way, if the kids want later in life, they can get them made into wedding bands for themselves, and have something special that was mine and Barrys. Ive also gotten rid of most of his stuff. Ive kept all the important mementos like pictures, cards, his wallet, knives/guns, last outfit he ever wore, his favorite t-shirt and one shirt for each of the kids. And I kept most of his DVDs, and his computers. But everything else went to goodwill. I dont want it anymore. I just needed to get rid of it, as it is cluttering up my life. I just cant have it around anymore. Im ready to move on. I think he would be exceptionally proud of me for how strong I have been, for how Ive held up in this time of adversity. I know he is proud of me. He ALWAYS encouraged me to become more independent, to stop worrying about what everyone thought of me, to be my own person, and I finally am. He would be extremely proud of me for standing on my own two feet!

In just under a month well be ringing in a new year. Im going to make 2010 the best that I can. Im going to Live, Love, Laugh, and Be Happy.

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The Death Diet and Laying It All Out On The Line

Have you all heard about The Death Diet?

I like to coin my extreme weight loss after Barry died "The Death Diet".  I lost about 11 pounds the week he was in the hospital, and then 50lbs total by mid January I think, and Ive lost almost 80 total.  Its not that case for every widow and widower, some of them gain weight.  For me, I couldnt eat.  Everything tasted like sand to me.  I did eat still, but not what I did before.  I lost all taste for anything sweet...but now, that craving has come back.  I know that is normal after losing a spouse, your taste buds come back, you usually gain some of that weight back etc etc.

I have gained a bit back.  Not too much, just in the last few months actually having a man around haha, maybe 5lbs or so.  Its enough though that I can see it in my face and I dont like it one bit.  I feel pretty good where I am right now, I am in between two sizes, which is 5-6 sizes smaller than I was when Barry died.  I was really heavy.  And I mean REALLY heavy for much too long, so it was a bit hard for me to see this whole new body that Barry couldnt enjoy.  And now another man gets to enjoy it, but thats ok...Im not bothered by that part anymore.

I want to lose more weight.  Id like to lose another 75lbs.  Truthfully, I have no idea what I weigh.  I have a general idea, but Im not sure how accurate that scale was.  Back in December I had a nurse come to my house to do a medical exam for my life insurance, and when she weighed me, I was horrified. But then, she also travels around with her scale, and who knows how accurate it is if its getting moved around all the time. I guess my Wii was wrong all along...ooops.  That being said, I embraced the new weight, and then forgot about it.  What I really judge myself by is how my clothes fit.  Where I am right now, I want to lose another 2-3 jean sizes.  For me, that is between 50 and 75lbs, so right at my goal.


I started the Fat Smash Diet again today.  I hate this diet, but I love it at the same time.  When A was just a baby, a few months old, I did it and managed to lose a good 22lbs in 6 weeks.  I want to do that again.  Theres nothing wrong with it, just the first nine days are pretty extreme because you are detoxing your body from all the sugar.

Id like to do an update every week on it, or every couple days...Ill see how I am feeling.  But to start with, today for breakfast I had a large banana, and then I made a homemade blueberry smoothie.  The smoothie was made with a 6oz container of Yoplait Light Blueberry Yogurt, a cup of milk, 4 large strawberries, a couple heaping tablespoons of ground flax seed and a liberal dosage of frozen blueberries I had from last summer.  It was good, but not my favorite.  Usually I do my smoothies with pineapple juice just for a little sweetener, and this had nothing.  Not too bad though.

My first short term goal is...well, I dont really know to be honest.  Ill just be happy if I am down 1 jean size by August when I go to Camp Widow.  Two would be ideal, but Id be happy with 1. How about.my goal is I am down 1 size by my 31st birthday in July? I think I can do that, if not sooner.

Wish me luck!

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I failed but started fresh

I should never have started a diet without James being here... I failed miserably this weekend.  The good thing is, he and I both started the fat smash diet together, this morning.  I think that I will be able to do a lot better with him here because I have someone to motivate me, and watch if I try to cheat lol.  Ive set a new goal (honestly, I cant remember what my goal was from my last post, and Im really too lazy to go reference it right now) and I want to be down two jean sizes by mid August when I go to Camp Widow.

Ive been assured that I can easily do that as I have just under 3.5 months till I leave.  Im hoping I can get in shape enough to do the 5K Widow Dash there too, but well see.  The best I can do is try, right? I dont even know how much weight that would be to lose, 30lbs maybe? Possibly.  I really dont care about the weight at all, I just want to lose sizes and feel good about myself.

I really dislike dieting.  It plain old sucks.  I miss food.  The funny thing is, we get a lot of food on this diet, but its missing the good stuff.  The meat, the hearty food.  I cant have any of that for the next 9 days.  So May 10th is when we can have meat again.  Im already counting down the days.

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Well We Did It

It is so incredibly hard to believe that five months have already passed since we said goodbye to my husband, my best friend, the kids daddy. Five long months.

Five months ago I never thought I would get through these five months. I was prepared for it to be the worst five months of my life, and it most certainly was. You see, from October through till March, we have most of the important dates for our family. I desperately wish I could include Es birthday in this timeline, but unfortunately her actual birthday was two days before he died, so we have to overcome that hurdle yet.

The day he died was Es birthday party. After that we had Halloween, which is a FAVORITE family holiday. Then we had Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving in itself has not always had a big emphasis in our family, but this past thanksgiving was exceptionally hard. My very good friend Rebecca invited us over to her home, and while I love and appreciate her, it was so hard to see all the married ladies there. It was just us girls, but I was the only official "single" one, and all their husbands were deployed. So it was a very hard day for me. Then came Christmas, which I dont even want to talk about. Our Anniversary was December 29th, and that day was OK. It was sad most definitely, but not as bad as I thought it would be. The next hardest day, probably one of the hardest days for me, was New Years Eve. I remember how hard it was for me, leaving him behind in 2009 and starting 2010 without him, and I desperately did NOT want the new year to start. On the other hand, I wanted New Years Eve to pass as quickly as possible because I was just tired of the day...it dragged on and on and on.

After that, we had a bit of a reprieve in January, thankfully, and that was when I really started scheduling myself and making sure I was busy all the time. I actually burnt myself out. And though we had a reprieve from bad days in January, I had a really rough month emotionally, physically and mentally. Ive heard mixed opinions on how rough the 3d month is, and it really was for me. February 7th brought us the twins birthdays, thankfully the only day that month that we had a sort of "anniversary.

And now we have March. March, like October and December, will always be one of our hardest months. March 2nd was the day we lost my Opa in 1997, and I think of him often. How much i have wished that he could have met Barry and the kids. March 6th is Barrys birthday, and March 7th is my sister and our youngest daughters birthday. Thankfully after tomorrow, we will have passed through the first five months of agony.

I have come so far in five months, further than I thought I ever would. I have become so much more independent than I thought, so much so that I have trouble asking for help now. But I am still desperately grieving, and desperately missing Barry every day. My mom sent me a letter and I read it today and cried. She wrote about the day that A was born and how gentle he was the first night, and first few days, and I cried and cried and cried. Memories are so hard, I try so hard not to remember sometimes because its so hard.

I am glad that I can proudly say that I DID IT! I made it through the first 5 months, and accomplished that which I never thought I would. And right now we have so much to look forward to in the next couple months with our new house and house warming party. I am so excited for this new house, new things. New memories, new beginnings and a new start.

I still miss you Barry, and I will see you in my dreams. Ill love you forever and always.

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THE MEATRIX DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT IS

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