3 Week Diet Review 2015 – Does It Really Work

The 3 week diet plan is a science-based weight loss program that guarantees a user to lose 12-23 lbs. of body weight in only 21 days. The primary creator of this unique weight-reduction program is Brian Flatt who is a sports nutritionist, head coach and personal trainer and has worked for many years in his specialised area. He has taught several of his followers to effectively lose stubborn fat and also build powerful muscle. The 3 Week Diet Plan is a special online 95-page ebook divided into many segments such as exercise, diet, motivation, mind-set and will power. Some of these segments include the following:

1. The Introduction Manual – This manual is composed of 43 pages and it contains usual information and know-how about the different weight-loss methods and factors.
2. Diet Manual – The diet manual is comprised of 22 pages and explains about the 4 phases of the complete diet Program and some useful tips for fast results.
3. Workout Manual – This segment of the guide is made from 17 pages in total. As the name suggests, this manual describes about the significance of full body workout. It lays down specific instructions and rules of carrying out exercises for weight loss such as walk, warm ups, and consistency. Some other effective workouts like the goblet squat, ab blasters and bent-over row are explained in this segment of the guide.
4. Mindset and Motivation Manual – This segment consists of 13 pages and includes important tips to strengthen your will power, create a new mindset to lose weight effectively and keep a track of those initiatives.

What is 3 Week Diet System?

The 3 week Diet is a unique dietary plan made for all those users who are serious about losing stubborn fat through changes in their diet. It is a 96 page guide created by its creator Brian Flatt who says that the users can lose 10-20 pounds of body weight in just three weeks or so. It is not a very strict dieting regime that is not too time consuming or very difficult to follow. Brian Flatt is a famous sports nutritionist and health coach who created the three week diet plan after 12 years of research. Several users have tried this scientifically proven weight loss system and have reaped sweet benefits out of it.

Brian Flatt has a degree in biology from San Diego State University and he has been in the fitness industry since the 90’s. Brian is the owner of Rev Fitness that is based in Southern California. Getting started with the three Week Diet System is very simple. All you need to do is to make the payment online to the official website of this system and begin downloading the manuals and related material. First, calculate your personalized diet schedule according to your body requirements. Next, go through all the four user manuals and create a full nutrition and workout plan for yourself. Finally, begin the program in a step-by-step and strict manner from the next day onwards.

The main idea behind this special diet plan is to make the body store the fat already present for energy requirements. After this occurs, the body enters the starvation mode and will start burning the stored fat to fuel heart, liver and other important organs. The three week diet plan is extremely safe and scientifically proved program and is guaranteed to work on every man and women. The users who have tried this diet plan have experienced positive results and successfully lost 10-20 lbs. of unwanted body weight. Brian Flatts has divided this guide into four main parts to clearly explain its concept.

In his guide, the author has mentioned about the various weight loss tips in detail. For example, the nutrition and dietary plans, improving metabolism to burn fat faster and specific weight loss tips. If the user is really serious about losing unwanted body weight then it is essential to follow the four phases of weight training as given by Brian himself. The details about these phases are shared below:

Phase #1 – Detoxification

The first phase is meant for those people (men and women) who wish to rid the stubborn body fat quickly. Users can lose a lot of weight by following the given instructions in this phase. People have even lost 10-15 lbs. after this phase. The main objective of this phase is to cleanse the body through the process of detoxification.

It majorly focuses on the liver as it is a fat pumping organ. Brian Flatt recommends taking a lot of vitamins A, D and C that help to detoxify body organs especially the liver, increase sensitivity of insulin and improve the adrenal function of fat burning in your body. A total of 17 vegetables and 6 sources of protein are allowed in this diet plan and the users need to follow this phase for seven days before they can move to the next one.

Phase #2 – 24 hrs Fasting

After finishing the first phase, the user would move on to the next phase which is 24 hours fasting. The user needs to start his fasting from the last meal of the seventh day till dinner on the eight day. Fasting is a good natural process to burn fat. It detoxifies your liver and other organs and maintains a fat burning environment. On the dinner on the 8th day, user has the freedom to eat whatever he likes but must try to maintain carbohydrates level in check.

Phase #3 – Fat Fast

The third phase or the Fat fast phase means what it says that is it does make the body lose fat through fast and scientifically proven methods. This phase commences on the 9th, 10th and 11th days and the efficiency of liver is properly checked in this phase. In this phase, the body keeps burning the stored fat from the belly and hips region.

After the two earlier phases, the body starts to crave for fat and it is important to note that it does require some amounts of fat as essential. After the regular limit of consuming calories from fat, the body signals the liver to start consuming fat for energy requirements from the muscles. Therefore, it is necessary to provide some quantities of fat to the body.

Phase #4 – Your Unique BMR

This is the last phase that continues from day 12-21. In this 9-day phase, users are allowed to consume limited amounts of calories based upon their unique BMR and weight loss objectives. There are 2 main steps as prescribed by Brian. In the first phase, the user needs to determine his or her BMR and in the second phase the user needs to know how much calorie they need to take based on their unique BMR. By following this method precisely the users would be able to achieve the desired lean look which they want or a smart six-pack abs whichever they like.

3 Week Diet Pros:

Here are the main advantages of the 3 week diet plan as given by Brian Flatts:

• The Three Week Diet is ideal for busy people – Brian invented this unique program for very busy people that do not find spare time to devote to their health and diet. The three week diet review program only asks for 20-30 minutes of light exercising for 3 days in a week which is not that difficult.
• Three week diet program is a well-recognized and scientifically proven method to burn fat from your body. A good feature of this plan is that Brian Flatts has tested his latest program on himself first and then revealed it to the users. Therefore, it is safe to try and is guaranteed to work.
• Three week diet plan is a fast-action and result-oriented weight loss program unlike the many others. The notion that only slow weight loss is Safe and Healthy is not true at all. Most people are not focused and motivated to lose weight and this is why don’t achieve the results through other diet plans. But, the 3-week diet plan guarantees to work on your body fat in just 21 days, if you promise to abide by all instructions and tips.
• It has a 60-day full money back guarantee so the user should feel assured and confident in using it.
• Besides, Brian Flatt is a renowned health expert since many years and has received much positive feedback from consumers all over the world.

3 Week Diet Cons:

As we know that no diet plan made till now is perfect in all sense. Same is with the 3 week diet plan. Its main disadvantages are:

• The three week diet plan is available in digital form only and can be downloaded via the Internet from its official website only.
• The three week diet plan does make light exercising mandatory for the users along with strict adherence to diet plans.
• It makes the user spend a bit extra in the form of supplements and other substances.
• The program is available only in a soft copy form, hard copy form is unavailable.
• Some of the users have complained that the topics could have been elaborated more that would have made it easier to understand.

3 Week Diet : Conclusion

3 week diet system doesn’t cost much (its $47) to own. On top of it, there is a full 60-day money back guarantee for the users and those who aren’t satisfied with the product can demand a full refund. The online guide which is downloadable from the official site comes in the pdf format.

Therefore, users don’t have anything to lose in trying this excellent program. The creator of this wonderful weight loss online guide is Brian Flatt, who is a health and nutrition expert since the past many years and has received positive feedback from many users. The best thing about the 3 Week Diet Review plan is that it is guaranteed to work on every man and woman regardless of their age, ethnicity or body shape. I will highly recommend it to every person looking to lose weight in a safe and natural way.

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Almost 30 Years of Barry

I have so much to write this weekend, but cant seem to get my thoughts straight at all. The difficulty of that stems from the fact that we have two birthdays this weekend. Today was Barrys 30th Birthday. Tomorrow is As 4th Birthday. Tomorrow is my sisters 23d Birthday.

I suspected that today would be a hard day for us, but it wasnt all that bad to be honest. I purposely planned As birthday for today so we could get through it. I had her party at Chuck E Cheeses this morning, upon the insistence of my friend Rebecca who encouraged me to have a party for her even though i wasnt feeling it this year. The party went great actually! She was spoiled by all her friends that came, and we enjoyed white and chocolate cupcakes with pink and purple frosting. The weather was beautiful today, so when we got home, the kids and I had an impromptu photo shoot outside. I got some beautiful photos that I will be printing out and framing. We really did have a fantastic afternoon in the sunshine.

My plan for the night was to take the kids to our favorite family restaurant, and Barrys favorite, a local Chinese Buffet. I had actually decided ages ago though, that we would go there every year on his birthday. A way to honor his memory in a way. It really was his favorite restaurant, he LOVED it there. After his funeral in October, my family and his family, all my family, we all went to the restaurant together to honor him as well. We had such a good time that Friday night, and the kids and I had a good time tonight too. But walking into that restaurant without him was strange, surreal...I felt memories wash over me like a tsnunami. Even the smell reminded me of him.

As I sat there at the table with the kids, I could see him sitting across from me. My memories were so incredibly vivid, that I could really see him sitting there in his black t-shirt, a plate piled high with Chinese food and a beer in front of him. I could see him, hear him...I almost could have reached out and touched him.

Never before have my memories been so vivid. Never before in the last five months has he been so real to me. It was almost a comfort to me, knowing I could conjure him up just like that. I dont know that I could ever, will ever, do that again though. It was nice to see him, but I dont know...I just dont know.

I really expected myself to be a snivelling mess today, but you know what, I havent cried once. We sang Happy Birthday to Daddy, we went out for dinner to his favorite restaurant, we laughed and we remembered him. I have the kids working on writing him a letter, which I am going to have them do every year around his birthday. They can read them when they are older. I myself bought him a card yesterday when i was at Target, and that surprisingly was the hardest for me, and I sobbed as I picked it out. I had the same idea for myself as I did for the kids: I will buy him a card every year, write in it and seal it, and then open it up years down the road, or leave it for the kids when I am no longer here anymore.

Tomorrow is As 4th birthday. I am going to try write about her if I can...but writing about two birthdays in two days, is a bit much for me. Emotionally exhausting if you may.

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Two Years Ago I Became A Widow

In Loving Memory

March 6th 1980-October 10th 2009

I will forever love you and keep you in my heart.

Im finally getting around to writing this last post.  I just didnt want to write it at all.  I dont feel like I have anything I need to say to Barry...I think Ive said it all a million times over over these last two years.  The time has come to say goodbye to this blog, and continue with my new one. Thank you to everyone for being such wonderful readers, and supporting me even if you didnt comment.  This blog has been such a big part of my life for over 3 years, and even more so now because it has become my outlet for my grieving.  I am ready to move on, so please come with me as I continue this journey.    If you email me then I will reply to you and give you my new blog address.  I post on there much more regularly than this one.  I have to say, I am a little sad to close this chapter in my life, but I am ready, and it is time.  

I will miss this blog and all of you.

Much love,

Joanna  

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MEMORIES OF EMILYS PASSING ITS BEEN 18 YEARS

 Emily at age 17 in 1996              Rebecca at age 23 in 1981

Friday, June 27, 1997 - I spent most of the day that day with my 18-year-old daughter, Emily. I had just bought a little rental house, and I showed it to her, and she was begging me to let her rent it from me and move away from home. We looked at other houses that day, too, and Emily was helping me pick out the next investment.

That evening, we rented and watched the movie Jerry Maguire and I made her cover her eyes while I fast forwarded through the sex scene at the beginning of the movie.

Sunday, June 29 - After church, Emily was up on the roof, cleaned out the gutters, which she volunteered to do. At one point, she was laying down on the roof with her head hanging over the edge, and I told her to stop fooling around before she fell off the roof and broke her neck.

Monday, June 30 - The four of us (Bill, me, 20-year-old son Barry and Emily) made plans to see My Best Friends Wedding on Thursday. It was the last time that the four of us would sit in a room and talk. It was the last time we were a normal family. It was the last time I saw my daughter conscious.

Tuesday, July 1 - I left for work before Emily got out of bed that day. After working a while, I ran an errand, and when I got back to the office, I saw that Emily had left me a voice mail. "Hi, Mom - its Emily. I just wanted to let you know that its 2:00 and Im leaving for work. Ill see you later. I love you. Bye!"

I listened to the message with my finger perched over the "delete" button on the phone. I started to push it, then I hesitated. I thought, "What if Emily gets killed in a car accident tonight, and this is the last time I will hear her voice? Ill be sorry later that I deleted it." I realized that it was just a morbid thought, and deleted the message.

I had been having thoughts like that for about 18 months. Every time she would leave the house, I would grab her and hug her and say, "I love you! I would die for you!" I always wanted it to be the last thing I said to her, just in case she died in a car accident. I did not treat my other family members this way - just Emily.

When she left to go to work that day, she never came home again.

Wednesday, July 2 - If we had not had the window air conditioner running, we would have been awakened by the sirens at 1:00 am. About a mile from our house, Emily, alone in her compact car and on her way home, swerved to miss a deer and lost control of the car. Her car went into a yaw, and spun into a telephone pole on the passengers front door. The car wrapped around the pole and the pole struck her head.

We got the call at 2:15 am. We rushed to the hospital to find our daughter in a deep coma. She had brain surgery that day, but it was no use. She never woke up, and around 6:00 pm, the doctor told us that Emily had experienced brain death. We went to sleep at my fathers house, because all the beds at my house, including mine, were occupied by family members from out of town who had rushed in to be with us.

Thursday, July 3 - Around 4:00 am, after not sleeping, I told my husband that we were going back to the hospital. We spent all day there, waiting for all the arrangements to be made for the four men who would receive Emilys vital organs. Between Wednesday and Thursday, there were at least 100 family members and friends in and out and just hanging around. At noon, the hospital told everyone to leave so that they could prepare Emily for surgery. Bill and Barry and I stayed.

Later that afternoon, we invited Emilys fiance to return and he came back for an hour or so.

In the evening, I held Emily in my arms one last time and told her about the surgery. I was so afraid that there was a chance that she was still "in there" but couldnt communicate with us and that she was terrified. All I could do was tell her not to be afraid and that she was going to go to heaven and be with God, and that it was going to be all right.

Finally, around 11:30 pm, we said goodbye and went home.

Friday, July 4 - I did not sleep. I stayed awake and called the hospital several times throughout those hours to see how the surgery was going. A wonderful nurse told me details and let me know when Emilys heart stopped beating. They removed her from life support just before dawn on the 4th of July, 1997.

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12 Years Ago

Twelve years ago today, a very nervous, and much skinnier Joanna, waited in front of The Empress hotel in Victoria, BC, for a young man she had known for 9 months and never seen a picture of.

Twelve years ago, Barry and I met in person for the very first time after talking for nine months via phone, email, and yahoo messenger.  I fell in love with him before I even met him, and vice versa.   I knew that even if he was a total toad, I couldnt ever say no to him, I wanted to marry him that bad.

Twelve years ago today, at 6PM, Barry proposed to me.  He proposed the day we met in person.  And we were married three months later.

I cant believe it has been 12 years since August 28th, 1999.  It seems like a lifetime ago.  Ive always wanted to go back to the place where we were engaged, but havent been able to do so.  Partly due to the fact that its in Canada, and a pain in the ass to get to Victoria with four kids, but also...because Im a little scared.  I will go back one day, but I dont know when yet.

I have a picture of Barry and I from the day we got engaged, and I wish I had a way to scan it for you all.  My scanner is acting up and I cant figure out how to work it.

I still cant believe it has been 12 years ago that we met and got engaged.  I miss him so much.  I wish I could hear him tell me how proud he is of me right now, how much he loves me, how awesome I am doing.  But all I can do is hear him in my head.  At least I have that right?  I can hear him talking to him...and while I cant hear his voice very well right now, I know exactly what hed be saying to me.

I love you Barry.

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MEMORIES OF EMILYS PASSING ITS BEEN 14 YEARS

 Emily at age 17 in 1996              Rebecca at age 23 in 1981

Friday, June 27 - I spent most of the day that day with my 18-year-old daughter, Emily. I had just bought a little rental house, and I showed it to her, and she was begging me to let her rent it from me and move away from home. We looked at other houses that day, too, and Emily was helping me pick out the next investment.

That evening, we rented and watched the movie Jerry Maguire and I made her cover her eyes while I fast forwarded through the sex scene at the beginning of the movie.

Sunday, June 29 - After church, Emily was up on the roof, cleaned out the gutters, which she volunteered to do. At one point, she was laying down on the roof with her head hanging over the edge, and I told her to stop fooling around before she fell off the roof and broke her neck.

Monday, June 30 - The four of us (Bill, me, 20-year-old son Barry and Emily) made plans to see My Best Friends Wedding on Thursday. It was the last time that the four of us would sit in a room and talk. It was the last time we were a normal family. It was the last time I saw my daughter conscious.

Tuesday, July 1 - I left for work before Emily got out of bed that day. After working a while, I ran an errand, and when I got back to the office, I saw that Emily had left me a voice mail. "Hi, Mom - its Emily. I just wanted to let you know that its 2:00 and Im leaving for work. Ill see you later. I love you. Bye!"

I listened to the message with my finger perched over the "delete" button on the phone. I started to push it, then I hesitated. I thought, "What if Emily gets killed in a car accident tonight, and this is the last time I will hear her voice? Ill be sorry later that I deleted it." I realized that it was just a morbid thought, and deleted the message.

I had been having thoughts like that for about 18 months. Every time she would leave the house, I would grab her and hug her and say, "I love you! I would die for you!" I always wanted it to be the last thing I said to her, just in case she died in a car accident. I did not treat my other family members this way - just Emily.

When she left to go to work that day, she never came home again.

Wednesday, July 2 - If we had not had the window air conditioner running, we would have been awakened by the sirens at 1:00 am. About a mile from our house, Emily, alone in her compact car and on her way home, swerved to miss a deer and lost control of the car. Her car went into a yaw, and spun into a telephone pole on the passengers front door. The car wrapped around the pole and the pole struck her head.

We got the call at 2:15 am. We rushed to the hospital to find our daughter in a deep coma. She had brain surgery that day, but it was no use. She never woke up, and around 6:00 pm, the doctor told us that Emily had experienced brain death. We went to sleep at my fathers house, because all the beds at my house, including mine, were occupied by family members from out of town who had rushed to be with us.

Thursday, July 3 - Around 4:00 am, after not sleeping, I told my husband that we were going back to the hospital. We spent all day there, waiting for all the arrangements to be made for the four men who would receive Emilys vital organs. Between Wednesday and Thursday, there were at least 100 family members and friends in and out and just hanging around. At noon, the hospital told everyone to leave so that they could prepare Emily for surgery. Bill and Barry and I stayed.

Later that afternoon, we invited Emilys fiance to return and he came back for an hour or so.

In the evening, I held Emily in my arms one last time and told her about the surgery. I was so afraid that there was a chance that she was still "in there" but couldnt communicate with us and that she was terrified. All I could do was tell her not to be afraid and that she was going to go to heaven and be with God, and that is was going to be all right.

Finally, around 11:30 pm, we said goodbye and went home.

Friday, July 4 - I did not sleep. I stayed awake and called the hospital several times throughout those hours to see how the surgery was going. A wonderful nurse told me details and let me know when Emilys heart stopped beating. They removed her from life support just before dawn on the 4th of July, 1997.

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A Love Letter From Beyond

Once in awhile I find these real gems of Barry. I know its him reaching out to me, letting me know he still loves me and cares about me, and misses and loves all of us. The other day I happened to find his school papers on his laptop, and while I havent read them yet, they are there, and I do plan to get them printed and bound for the kids one day.

Today I found probably one of the best gems to date, so much so that I had to shut my bedroom door and just cry and cry to myself. I was packing up my bedroom, and found in a box that I had, a letter that Barry wrote me November 26th, 2004. I have read this many times, but not for at least two years. I packed it up in this box when we moved from our previous home, and never fully unpacked it. We often packed each other notes when he left for work as Truck Driver, and sometimes I would get lucky and he would send me a letter in the mail. This was one of those times. It struck me how fitting this letter was to our situation right now, especially the last few paragraphs. Little did he know he would pass in just a mere five years, but at least I have this to remind me of our love, and how much he loved me.

Barry was so eloquent in his writing. He was also a very private person, never fully sharing his feelings, but sometimes his feelings would surface, and the real Barry would show. I know how he felt about me, but to find this letter he wrote me, I felt he was reaching out to me again to remind me of how strong our love was, of how much he loved me, and cared about me. And now I am going to share it with you. It is long, be prepared, and have some tissues handy, as I sobbed like a baby when I read it. This letter was quite possibly one of Barrys finest, and really shows his true self.

11/26/04 Arlington, TX

My Dearest Joanna;

As you can see, Im in Arlington, TX. I got into Fort Worth early and, surprisingly, they unloaded me immediately. So now Im sitting in front of McLanes better than eleven hours before my scheduled delivery time. I only slept about four hours last night, but Im not terribly tired. I figured, since you took the time to slip a note amongst my things, it would only be fair that I use some of my free time to write to you.

I really enjoyed the time we spent together at home. Through a character named Paul Edgecombe, Stephen King once wrote, "A man with a good wife is the luckiest of Gods creatures, and one without must be the most miserable, I thing; the only true blessing of their lives that they dont know how poorly-off they are."

If there is a truer statement on marriage, I have never heard it. Sometimes I think that the reason I have such poor luck with the lottery or gambling is that all of my luck goes to having a beautiful and faithful wife and beautiful healthy kids. All in all, I am satisfied. Sometimes I think its the little things that matter most. It might seem to be tedious, but all of the little things you do for me add up to one huge part of our relationship and our understanding of each other. The other day I threw out my garbage and found that I had no other grocery bags to put any more trash in. I ended up stretching out a tiny Taco Bell bag over the arm rest of the passenger seat. Hours later as I was preparing to go to sleep after my 36-hour day, I opened my green duffel bag and found that you had stuffed two handfuls of grocery bags in amongst my things. Despite my hardened nature, I was strangely touched that you had done that. Not that Im going soft or anything, it only proves my theory of my personal dichotomy. As tough as I am and as ruthless as I can be if necessary, my wife and my kids inspire in me a love greater than I ever thought possible. If I were Superman, you would be my Kryptonite. No, maybe thats not right. Youre not just my weakness, youre also my motivation. I do what I do because of you, for you.

I was driving along today and started thinking about all of the good things I have. I dont own a lot, but I have things that are the envy of those who do. How many rat-racing, keep-up-with-the-Joneses people can honestly say that theyre happy with their home-lives? Despite what Tom Leykis says, I have a strong suspicion that he would trade it all for someone like you. Not just a hole and tits, but a friend and similar personality.

When we first met, I wanted this to go well. When we started getting ready to be married, I knew I was only going to do this once. I figured if I were to fail once, Id continue to do so. But I dont believe that I envisioned us as we are now. Years later, I cant even recall what I thought our life together would be. I do know however, that my precognition fell way short of what its really like. We dont just have sex and share a dinner table and then only exist. We have fun. We joke and fart and tease and touch. We kiss and say, "I love you" so much that the average observer probably thinks that were newly-involved or perhaps the cheating espousage of unknowing partners. But were not. Weve been married for nearly five years, which makes us not only vets at this, but pretty much the authority on marriage. Just the idea that after so much time together we are still attracted to each other makes us pariahs in this society.

I still have cause to smile when I think of things you do or say. Like how you draw little faces, happy or sad, in your notes, as though to further emphasize your emotions on a certain topic.

Remember when we went on that marriage retreat to Chiemsee? Remember how, after the first session with the Chaplain, our kissing and holding hands started to become highly contagious? By the second session, every couple in there were doing the same as us. They looked at us and saw how they used to be, and how nice it was to be like that. Unlike many of them, however, were still like that. That might leave us out of the "chic" scene or make us seem abnormal, but Id rather have you then anyone or anything else in the world.

I know that Im not usually one to say these types of things, but it is the way I feel. Im often closed on the subject of emotion, but there are many factors about my life that govern my personality. Some of them you understand, but many will always be a mystery to you. I dont want you to ever feel like youre not appreciated or respected by me. I have more respect and admiration for you than I do for anyone else; even myself. You do the things that enable me to do what I do. For that I will forever be indebted to you, Joanna. I could live forever and never be able to repay you enough.

The Bible says that the wise man builds his house upon a rock, because building on sand will wreck the structure. Youre the rock upon which Ive built. You are what sustains the structure of our household. That may sound like a big responsibility, and it is. It requires you to not only depend, but be depended on. And youve done very well so far. And I have every confidence that my rock will stay steady.

Some country singer wrote a song called "She Thinks She Needs Me." The lyrics to that song are very pertinent to me. You think you need ME? I need you more than you need me, darling. Without you, Im just a guy. With you I am anything I want to be; an unstoppable effigy that is able to do magnificent things.

Thank you, Joanna. Thank you for loving me and helping me. I love you. I love you more than words could ever hope to express.

Tell the kids I love them and miss them. I miss you. I love you.

Love eternal,

Me XOXO "XXXO" <-thats a porno kiss!

I love you too, darling. Forever.

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Eleven Years Ago Today

This week has been pretty hard.  Grief is like that though, it comes in waves, and sometimes you get hit by a giant tsunami, and other times just a little wake. Im not quite sure where I am this week, dont know how to classify how Im feeling, but it hasnt been an easy week.

Yesterday for the first time in ages, I was sobbing into Barrys t-shirt, my tears soaking the cotton as I tried to calm down but could not. That was the last t-shirt he ever wore, for those of you who dont know. Ive never washed it, and I dont think I ever will.

Ive also noticed that my attitude has been pretty damn shitty lately. Ive been a bit of a cranky bitch to everyone.  Though that could be due to having my period at the same time, but I know that grief is a big factor in my attitude right now.  I tend to get that way before certain days, and not even realize it till the day is upon us, or has already passed.  Even today I just HAD to be out of the house, had to be gone, had to be busy doing everything and anything.

11 years ago today, Barry and I met for the very first time in person, and it was also the day he proposed to me!  At this point in our relationship, I was living in Edmonton AB, and he was in Wiesbaden Germany, stationed there in the Army.  I was visiting my mom in Abbotsford, BC, and he his mom in Port Angeles, WA.  We both agreed to meet in Victoria BC and spend the day together.

I dont remember what time I arrived in Victoria that morning, but it was pretty early on in the day.  I took the ferry from Vancouver to Victoria, and the greyhound to downtown Victoria from the ferry terminal.  I was so incredibly nervous to finally meet him after talking for 9 months.  And the funny thing is, I had never seen a picture of him.  Never! he did send me one once, but it was lost in the mail.  But I was so in love with this man that I knew even if he was hideous, I would still say yes if he asked me to marry him.

As I sat there on a bench in front of The Empress Hotel, I kept glancing across the Victoria harbor waiting for Barrys ferry to arrive.  I waited, and waited, and waited. And then I saw a young man walking down the road.  And I knew it was him. My heart knew it was him. He crossed the street, walked up the path to the front of the hotel, and as I stood up, shoved his military ID card in my face so I would know it was him.  That was a mere moment, as we then hugged and hugged and hugged. Finally, we met.  We had gone through so much to meet that day, and it was finally happening.

We spent the rest of that day together, sightseeing around Victoria and just spending time together.  Towards the end of the day, we landed up in the Rose Garden in front of the hotel.  We were laying there in the grass, and I was getting impatient because Barry hadnt proposed to me yet.  He had told me before we met that he was going to propose to me, and I had waited all day.  We were basically engaged already, just had to make it official.  So, my spunky self finally asked Barry if he was going to ask me to marry him.  I told him I was tired of waiting! LOL  and shortly after that he asked me to stand up, and he got down on one knee.

Holding my hands in his, Barry told me I made him the happiest man on earth, and he wanted to make me the happiest woman on earth (the only two things I remember that he said haha).  And then he asked me to marry him.  And i said yes.

We parted ways shortly after that, unfortunately, as we only had one day together.  And then we both went back to our lives, he  to Germany, and I to Edmonton.  And then 3.5 months later, on December 29th, 1999, we were married in Wiesbaden, Germany.  The day we were married, was the 15th day we spent together in person.  Yes, you read that correctly, we only spent two weeks together  in person before we were married.

The day we got engaged was one of the best days of my life.  I met the man of my dreams, and got engaged in the very same day!  Not many women can say that can they? I truly was a lucky woman to find such a man like Barry.

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Post 700!!!

Well, I couldnt really think of a better title than that.  I need to celebrate 700 posts on this blog! WooHoo!!

Ive been asked recently when I was going to post again, and my first thought was "I dont know, I dont really feel like writing".  But maybe I need to, I think so at least. Writing helps me deal with my feelings, and it is so beneficial to get those out on "paper".

Im doing a bit better since my last post, but Im still dealing with a lot of those emotions that I mentioned, being frustrated and angry at couples, and bitter at my situation.  It has passed for the most part. I still havent called the counselor.  Not on purpose, but because I have been so pre-occupied right lately.  Youll also notice that on the 10th, I purposely did NOT post.  I did not want to post.  I didnt want to be reminded that Barry had been dead for 11 months.  I find it so hard to believe that it has been that long already.  How different my life is this September, compared to last year when Barry was still healthy at this time.  He got sick shortly after though, I remember him being sick for a couple weeks.  You know what the sad thing is, I was really worried about him.  I was scared for him.  I had a bad feeling, but I couldnt put my finger on it.  I was afraid he would die, and I told him that.  I was very scared, but why was I so worried? It was just the flu, or so we thought.  He assured me that if he thought he was going to die, that he would go to the hospital. And then he came home to go to the hospital.  Unfortunately, my intuition was right.

Enough with the sad crap though, I need to update on our lives here! September 8th the kids all started school.  Because we moved back in April, the kids were starting at a new school.  So it really has been a year of changes for us, new house, new neighborhood, new lives, new school, new friends.  They are adjusting well, and making new friends and love their new school.  We do miss our friends at the old school, but the good thing for us is that we are still in the same area we were before, so all their friends are still close and no further driving distance (we moved down the street).

Yesterday was As first day of pre-k.  She dressed herself, and was so very excited to go to school.  Her first day went great, she is making friends already and the parents are very friendly from what Ive seen so far.  Im very happy with the school I chose.  She will go four days a week in the afternoons from 1-4. It is a nice break for me, I get a little time to myself to re-charge.  She was so proud of herself yesterday morning before we left.  I told her how proud Daddy would be of her, and how big of a hug he would give her. She said to me "how am I supposed to hug him?", and I told her to hug her heart.

We all talk about Barry often, it has started getting easier.  Just the other day at dinner, we were joking and laughing about some of the silly stuff he would do.  Yes, it is still hard to believe he is gone.  Even after almost a year, I still have trouble accepting the fact.  We all miss him so much, and that will never change. But talking about him is getting easier.

My big news is that I started running.  I think I may have mentioned that before, feeling the need to have the adrenaline release.  I just want to feel my feet pounding the pavement.  About a week or so ago, I purchased the C25K app for my iPod touch, which is the Couch To 5K program.  I dont know how far I ran yesterday (my plan is to do it while A is in school) , but it was a 31 minute program.  The app staggers running for a minute and walking for 90 seconds.  I thought I was going to pass out at some times, but I DID IT! I completed the first day without stopping or giving up.  I was hot, sweaty, and exhausted afterwards. I am so proud of me.  I actually did it!!! I will do running day 2 tomorrow, and Im already looking forward to it. Ill have to take two weeks off the program while we are in Florida, but with all the walking well be doing Im sure well be ok.

Speaking of Florida...we leave in LESS THAN THREE WEEKS!!!!! We are so incredibly excited.  The kids are really gearing up for the trip, and Ive started to get us ready.  Ill probably start packing soon too.  Yes, I know it is early, but with 5 people going away for two weeks I need to be prepared. I also need to get the pets stuff ready for the kennel.  I do plan on taking the lap top with me, so I will do my very best to blog while we are there.  I know the one year anniversary will pass while we are there, and I want to write that day, but I will probably do a pre

On October 10th, I am not sure what we will be doing as a family. I think we may get some balloons and each write a special message to Barry on them, and release them.  Does anyone have any other good ideas?

Well, it is time to get my day started.  Ill try to write more often, but the next few weeks are incredibly busy for me...harass me if Im not writing enough.

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One More Milestone Come and Gone

Today marked As first day of kindergarten!!

I had mixed emotions the whole day because I just wasnt sure what all this would bring, what emotions I would feel, would I cry or not.  And the truth is, it was a little hard for me, and I did cry a little bit this morning.  But she did SO well, and she absolutely LOVED it.  I am incredibly glad that it went well for her.

A is my baby, and I always knew this day would be hard because Id be essentially sending her off into the world.  As we drove to school, I told her how much I would miss her, and she told me she didnt want me to cry.  But I did a little bit as I said goodbye to her at school.  I missed her.  She has been my little sidekick since she was born, and has spent the most time with me by herself than any of the other kids did.  I took loads of pictures of her at school, and of all the kids this morning, as is tradition in this house!

What really bothered me is that Barry missed this.  One more milestone, come and gone without him.  It hurts, and it stings to see the other dads there with their wives, picking up the kids or dropping them off for their first day.  I wish I could take that away from her.  I did tell her however, that daddy would be SO proud of her, and that he was in her heart today with her as she started school (2nd time that my eyes welled up today!).  He would have loved to be there for her...It just breaks my heart that he missed such an important day for her.

And as I type this, I find my eyes welling up again, for the fourth time today actually.  Wishing so badly I could tell Barry about her first day of school, send him the pictures.  Tell him that the twins are in 5th grade!!! FIFTH GRADE already!! That just blows my mind...and E already in 4th.   That three of our children are the tallest in their classes, and quite possibly grades too.  He would be beaming from ear to ear, he loved our kids so much.

I just wish I could tell him.

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