When we are young we start out putting on our mothers lip gloss. Then we start picking out our own clothes. We keenly listen to the way our mother talks about how she looks. We start making friends and comparing things like hair, skin color, clothes, and shoes. All before the age of 5, weve constructed in our minds our very first impression of beauty. Its still very fragile and impressionable. As we get older it is influenced by friends, family, and the media. THE MEDIA (here goes another woman talking about how the media is ruining the confidence of women, right? Yeah roll your eyes if you want, but you bet your sweet, probably not so perfectly shaped butt, thats what this is).
Im on a quest to define beauty. My definition doesnt follow the standards set by television, music or the fashion industry because if thats all there is to beauty...I am not beautiful. And seriously, if thats what beauty is, then I would venture to guess that there are very few in this world who are considered beautiful.
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And sure, the few women who do meet those standards are beautiful in their own respects, but being beautiful is more than an image. Its more than looks and size and color. I think that there are many aspects of a person that make them beautiful. I think looks are a small portion of that, but I also think that beauty takes into account how you talk about yourself, how you treat yourself, how you treat others, your talents, your ability to believe in yourself when no one else does, and your ability to be confident even if one of those other aspects falls a bit short according to societys standards.
Lets take a minute to reflect on you. Yes, YOU! If youre struggling to find beauty within yourself I want you to ask yourself a few things, but first, put your physical appearance out of your mind and if at any point you start to compare yourself to another person, start your thought over and ignore the temptation to compare. Seriously, we are doing this RIGHT NOW.
What are you good at?
Was there ever a time where you did better at something than you thought you could? Those small victories are actually big reasons to feel confident. You accomplished those things because you are a mighty person, and you can do hard things.
Now think about your personality.
What are some things about your personality that you feel confident about?
Are you a good friend?
Are you loyal?
Are you caring?
Are you hard working?
Are you driven?
Are you smart?
Are you independent?
Are you positive?
Are you kind?
In this moment you are an amazing individual.You are beautiful. You have talents, you have strengths, and you have experiences that you should feel proud of. You are more than what is in the mirror, you are an individual with a soul. Your thoughts and actions can literally change the world so dont get hung up on a gray hair, or a zit, or a fat roll.
Now that you know what you are good at, how can you channel those strengths to get better at some of the weaknesses that are making you feel insecure? This is a tough question I realize. However, I have learned that while its important to feel confident where you are, its also important to feel confident that you can be what you want to be as well. Think of it this way, "I love who I am, and because I love who I am I deserve to be my best. Sometimes I think things or feel things that prevent me from being my best. So I am dedicating myself to changing those thoughts and feelings. I am becoming better to one day be my best." So, what can you work on to be a little bit better and little closer to your best?
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By regularly asking myself the kinds of questions listed above, I have improved my confidence. Instead of depending on other people to make me feel worthy and valuable, I know that I am worthy and valuable because I can literally name a handful of things that I rock at.
Its taken me a long time to find beauty in my qualities and strengths. I am still working on changing some of my negative thoughts and feelings into positive, motivating self encouragement. Each day I have to rededicate myself to ignoring societies definition of beautiful and keep working on my own. My definition of beauty is confidence, and confidence is a feeling, not a look. By acknowledging all the things I am good at in my moments of insecurity, I move past self-pity, I move past self-loathing, and I feel beautiful.
I probably wont ever be a size two with awesomely tan skin and a super nice butt, and thats OK. At the end of the day I realize that I have so much more to offer myself and the world than just looking hot.
Whats your definition of beauty?
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