Two Years Ago I Became A Widow

In Loving Memory

March 6th 1980-October 10th 2009

I will forever love you and keep you in my heart.

Im finally getting around to writing this last post.  I just didnt want to write it at all.  I dont feel like I have anything I need to say to Barry...I think Ive said it all a million times over over these last two years.  The time has come to say goodbye to this blog, and continue with my new one. Thank you to everyone for being such wonderful readers, and supporting me even if you didnt comment.  This blog has been such a big part of my life for over 3 years, and even more so now because it has become my outlet for my grieving.  I am ready to move on, so please come with me as I continue this journey.    If you email me then I will reply to you and give you my new blog address.  I post on there much more regularly than this one.  I have to say, I am a little sad to close this chapter in my life, but I am ready, and it is time.  

I will miss this blog and all of you.

Much love,

Joanna  

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HOW TO EAT MORE FAT MARKS DAILY APPLE

A great new post from Mark Sisson:

The leaders of the dietary establishment either keeled over or started arming themselves with pitchforks as I wrote that title. (It’s a good day to enjoy the subversion, I think.) On a serious note, let me unpack this worthy question – one I tend to get often: how does one incorporate more fat into a day’s eating? This common inquiry usually comes from someone new to the Primal way of eating; someone that has just started ditching grains and sugars and is having a hard time replacing carbs with the fats they’ve always been told to avoid. And replace, at least in part, they must, or experience the inevitable crankiness and hunger (and possible failure) associated with not eating enough food.

Of all the things we do for our health, I think we all find this to be one of the more enjoyable efforts – at least once we get the hang of it. Go as clean as you can of course – pastured and organic or as close to it as you can obtain and afford. (It ensures better nutrition and fewer toxins.) But let’s not get caught up in details today. I’m ready to dig in. Are you?

Read the rest of the article here to find out Marks take on eating more fat and how to do it.

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COUNTRY JOE KNOWS HOW I FEEL

Is anyone else out there so old that they also remember the song "Here I Go Again" by Country Joe and the Fish from back in 1969?

As I started to think about this blog post, that song popped into my head.  "Here I go again, off down the road again..."

The last time I really posted about what I was eating and how I was doing with my blood sugar and weight was in October 2013, so almost seven months ago.  Every now and then, I just get sick of the whole thing, all the tracking and reporting, and decide to just try to eat like a normal person.  This never works, and I am not sure why I think it will each time I try it for a few to several months.

This last "escape" was no different and I have gained back some weight and have seen my blood sugar get higher and higher.  So with regret and dread, here I go again.  A few weeks ago, I decided to start tracking food and "being good" and I did start to see results, but I was not very serious and gave up quickly, because I hate it so.  The tracking, I mean, not the good results.

Last week, I remembered that I had had good results using Alternate Day Intermittent Fasting.  I kept it up for a while, but eventually abandoned it for a lot of reasons that you can read about here.

But after watching some videos and seeing things a little differently, I have decided to give it another shot, and do it more along the lines of way that Krista Varady promotes.  I ordered her book from the library, and I am going to pick it up after I finish writing this post.

Basically, I think the difference between what she recommends and what I was doing before is that, while I was eating only 300 calories per day spread out into three very small snacks on the days that I would fast, she says to eat 500 calories on a fasting day and eat them all at once, like a regular meal.

The way I did it before was that I would only get to eat a few bites of something on my fast days, and it never satisfied me.  Dr. Varady says that this is a difficult thing for most people to stick to, and they end up overeating on the fasting day.  One of the other problems was that, every other day, I would not get to eat dinner with my husband.  He was on his own, and that never went over well, especially when I had to watch him eat a nice meal while I ate a tiny snack.

This time around, I am going to fast all day until dinner time, then eat a normal meal with my husband, which will come out to around 500 calories.  I have been doing this for a few days now, and fasting until dinner time (or late lunch time, if he will not be home for dinner) has not been a real problem for me.  A little tummy rumbling, but nothing too upsetting.

On the days I do not fast, I will have a fat snack to get me going in the morning, then eat a normal lunch and dinner.  I suspect that the non-fasting days will come out to around 1500 calories.

I know, I know...  I have disparaged calories and calorie counting in the past, and I still feel the same way now about the Calories In/Calories Out method of weight loss.  Using the word "calories" is just an easy way to express how I am keeping my food consumption within a range that will promote normal blood sugar and normal body fat percentage, which are the two things I focus on.

I will continue to eat high fat, moderate protein and very low carb.  I believe that the way the body uses different food macronutrients differs greatly, and that not all calories are alike.

Many people who do this type of intermittent fasting believe that all calories are equal, and that your body cannot differentiate between the calories that come from fat and the calories that come from protein or carbs.  All things being equal, your body will react the same to 1,000 calories worth of Twizzlers as it does to 1,000 calories of bacon.  I wrote a post about that that you can read here.

I can guarantee you that your blood sugar will register the difference!  Plus, after you eat that bacon, you will be satiated for hours, but after eating the Twizzlers, you will be very hungry again very quickly (after you get over that sick feeling that comes with eating all the Twizzlers) and you will want more carbs.

Anyway, before I completely run away on the calories tangent, I will share that I did start eating this way again last week, but had a false start.  I did fine on the fasting day, but overate like crazy on the non-fasting day, and I gained weight.  So, I took a deep breath and started again a couple of days ago.  So far, so good.  I have lost a couple of pounds and my blood sugar has been in the high 70s to the low 80s.

I am now eating normally on the non-fasting days and not falling prey to the old way of thinking, which was, "I better overeat today, because tomorrow I have to fast most of the day!"

THE BEST PART...

I am hoping that this plan will keep me from having to micromanage every bite of food that goes into my mouth.  If this is true, not having to weigh, measure and calculate my food will truly be the best part!

I am now off to the library to get the book.  Im sure I will learn something new and hopefully will be encouraged enough to keep going.  Many people who eat like this say that it is sustainable for life.  I sincerely hope so!

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You Are Beautiful How to Build Confidence

I am 22 years old and if I had to guess, Id say that Ive spent about 18 years of my 22 years trying to be

beautiful.

When we are young we start out putting on our mothers lip gloss. Then we start picking out our own clothes. We keenly listen to the way our mother talks about how she looks.  We start making friends and comparing things like hair, skin color, clothes, and shoes.  All before the age of 5, weve constructed in our minds our very first impression of beauty. Its still very fragile and impressionable. As we get older it is influenced by friends, family, and the media. THE MEDIA (here goes another woman talking about how the media is ruining the confidence of women, right? Yeah roll your eyes if you want, but you bet your sweet, probably not so perfectly shaped butt, thats what this is).

Im on a quest to define beauty. My definition doesnt follow the standards set by television, music or the fashion industry because if thats all there is to beauty...I am not beautiful. And seriously, if thats what beauty is, then I would venture to guess that there are very few in this world who are considered beautiful.

Readers who read this also read: A Note About Health From One Curvy Girl to Another

And sure, the few women who do meet those standards are beautiful in their own respects, but being beautiful is more than an image. Its more than looks and size and color. I think that there are many aspects of a person that make them beautiful. I think looks are a small portion of that, but I also think that beauty takes into account how you talk about yourself, how you treat yourself, how you treat others, your talents, your ability to believe in yourself when no one else does, and your ability to be confident even if one of those other aspects falls a bit short according to societys standards.

Lets take a minute to reflect on you. Yes, YOU! If youre struggling to find beauty within yourself I want you to ask yourself a few things, but first, put your physical appearance out of your mind and if at any point you start to compare yourself to another person, start your thought over and ignore the temptation to compare. Seriously, we are doing this RIGHT NOW.
What are you good at?
Was there ever a time where you did better at something than you thought you could? Those small victories are actually big reasons to feel confident. You accomplished those things because you are a mighty person, and you can do hard things.
Now think about your personality.
What are some things about your personality that you feel confident about?
Are you a good friend?
Are you loyal?
Are you caring?
Are you hard working?
Are you driven?
Are you smart?
Are you independent?
Are you positive?
Are you kind?
In this moment you are an amazing individual.You are beautiful. You have talents, you have strengths, and you have experiences that you should feel proud of. You are more than what is in the mirror, you are an individual with a soul. Your thoughts and actions can literally change the world so dont get hung up on a gray hair, or a zit, or a fat roll.

Now that you know what you are good at, how can you channel those strengths to get better at some of the weaknesses that are making you feel insecure? This is a tough question I realize. However, I have learned that while its important to feel confident where you are, its also important to feel confident that you can be what you want to be as well.  Think of it this way, "I love who I am, and because I love who I am I deserve to be my best. Sometimes I think things or feel things that prevent me from being my best. So I am dedicating myself to changing those thoughts and feelings. I am becoming better to one day be my best." So, what can you work on to be a little bit better and little closer to your best?

Readers who read this also read: Im Thankful Im Not a Quitter

By regularly asking myself the kinds of questions listed above, I have improved my confidence. Instead of depending on other people to make me feel worthy and valuable, I know that I am worthy and valuable because I can literally name a handful of things that I rock at.

Its taken me a long time to find beauty in my qualities and strengths.  I am still working on changing some of my negative thoughts and feelings into positive, motivating self encouragement. Each day I have to rededicate myself to ignoring societies definition of beautiful and keep working on my own. My definition of beauty is confidence, and confidence is a feeling, not a look. By acknowledging all the things I am good at in my moments of insecurity, I move past self-pity, I move past self-loathing, and I feel beautiful.

I probably wont ever be a size two with awesomely tan skin and a super nice butt, and thats OK. At the end of the day I realize that I have so much more to offer myself and the world than just looking hot.

Whats your definition of beauty?

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The Story of How You Died

To all my wonderful readers, friends and family.

I cant do it, and I am sorry.  I know I promised you all that I would write the story of how Barry passed, but I cant.  I started to write it October 4th, and managed to get up to the point where it started to go downhill, but I cant write the rest.

I am scared, and the mere thought of writing it makes my heart race.  I am just not ready.  I can recall everything in my head down to the last minute detail, but the actual task of really making myself recall everything wont be happening.  I know its partly because I dont want to break down, I dont want to cry right now, I just dont want to.  I will do it eventually for the kids.  I also got to thinking that maybe I shouldnt spill Barrys secrets on the internet.  He was a very private person, and I just think maybe I should keep this for the family.  Im not trying to use that as a cop out, I promise.  I just really dont want to portray him in any other light than what he deserves...

An amazing husband and father, and not the sickest patient at our hospital.

I will write my final "Dear Barry" letter tomorrow night.  I wanted to do it at 11:11AM, but Im going to be out all day.  Im getting a pedicure with my girlfriend, going out for tea after lunch with another girlfriend, and then taking the kids out to Barrys favorite restaurant for dinner.  Trying to keep as busy as possible.

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How to tighten loose skin Bio Oil

This is the second part in a series about tightening loose skin. For the first part, click here.

In a lot of ways, doing the HCG Diet is like doing damage control after some sort of disaster. At my heaviest weight of 285, my body was a wreck. My bad habits were ruining my cholesterol, joints, metabolism and confidence.

As I start to lose weight my body is no longer in disaster mode, and Im starting the cleanup process. Im undoing the damage I did to my body. But as with any other disaster, even after things are cleaned up, there are still signs of the wreckage. For me, those signs are stretch marks and loose skin.

It almost seems like the more weight I lose, the more noticeable my stretch marks become. In an effort to lessen the appearance of these, Ive started to use Bio Oil.

I found a very helpful post on Squidoo about Bio Oil, I highly recommend reading it. It said that while this product does help reduce the appearance of scars, only 10% saw a reduction in the appearance of stretch marks. You can read the full review here.

All that considered, I do feel like this product is worth a shot. For a complete list of Bio Oil ingredients, click here.

While Bio Oil doesnt claim to tighten skin, studies have shown that increasing moisture in to areas of loose skin can improve the appearance of the area. Since Bio Oil moisturizes the skin, this will be a good test to see if it has any tightening benefits.

Since Im doing a review of the product, I thought I better post some before pictures. I always strive to be honest about the way this diet works. Posting these pictures is a continuation of that honesty, so please be kind.

Right arm, above breast

Stretch marks and sagging skin on stomach

I purchased my bottle at Wal-mart for $11.99. I apply the product in the morning when I wake up and after showering in the evening. My first few applications have gone well. I especially love the way this product smells and how soft it makes my skin.

Ill most likely post progress pictures every two weeks. It will take some time before the Bio Oil will have an affect.

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Free Weight Loss Webinars Join the AskLowery Series

Im excited for a new opportunity with HCGDiet.com. Every Tuesday I will be answering your questions in a live Google+ Hangout series called #askLowery. Leading up to each broadcast, you can submit your questions to me using the hashtag #askLowery. Ill collect the questions and choose five of them to feature in my broadcast. Submit them on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, or Google+!

This project started in July, and Ive had the opportunity to answer some really great questions. Since this is a newer project, I want to be sure my readers have the opportunity to see all of the videos. Here are the first four YouTube videos starting from the first continuing on to the most recent. Ive included a brief description with the questions being answered! Feel free to comment with your questions for next Tuesdays broadcast in the comment section below. :) As always, stay focused on your healthy goals & thanks you for the support.

#AskLowery - July 8th

If youre viewing on a mobile device, watch the video here. 

Questions discussed in this video:

“Im worried that by starting HCG I wont be able to balance my weight after I stop using HCG. After the weight comes off, can you ever have a "normal" relationship with food?” - Mattie "How do you stay on track when I have sweet cravings during Phase 3?" -Pamela"What do you do when you crave cheese on Phase 2 of the HCG Diet?" -Bridgette"What is your favorite Phase 2 meal?" - Kaycee"Whats the difference between the New Blue and the Triumph 40 drops?" -Bridgette

#AskLowery - July 15th 

If youre viewing on a mobile device, watch the video here. 

Questions discussed in this video: 

"How do you combat the urge to binge eat, and if I end up bingeing, how do I bounce back from that and get back on track." -Brice

"How much water do you drink each day, how much do you recommend for someone else, and how do you stay motivated with hydration?" -Mattie

"After Phase 3, how do you figure out what is the best amount of calories to lose weight without HCG?" -Bridgette

"After starting the maintenance phase, at what point did I start doing more intense workouts?" -Bridgette

#AskLowery - July 22nd

If youre viewing on a mobile device, watch the video here.

Questions discussed in this video:

"How did you transition into Phased 3 of the HCG Diet?" -Bridgette "How much water should you be drinking on the HCG Diet" -Rita"Could lack of sleep be causing me to stall?" -Krista"How do you get back on track mentally after a vacation?" -Kristin"Do you have a good recipe for detox water?" -Kristin"How many times per day can you use Triumph Slim to replace a meals?" -Tami 

#AskLowery - July 29th

If youre viewing on a mobile device, watch the video here.

Questions discussed in this video:

"Is there any other meat besides steak that I can eat during a steak day?" - Heartzone
"Is the maintenance phase really required before doing another round of HCG?" -Anonymous
"How do you motivate yourself daily?" -Anonymous
"How do you stick to healthy eating goals when youre out with friends?" -Mattie
"Have you gained any weight throughout your journey and how do you deal with weight gain?" -Meegan

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How to Stay Consistent With Your Goals

Do you have a hard time being consistent? Have you ever wanted to try something completely new? Youre so pumped to do it, and you start off strong... and then...it never really takes off? Story of my life. Heres how these things usually happen:
"Hey self?"
"Yeah self?"
"You would be an awesome painter."
"Pffft. Yeah I would. I have the artistic vision of picaso."
"And the social anxiety."
"...and that. Lets try it!"
"In order to do that we need to buy $100 worth of stuff!"
"This is an investment in your creativity. You will use this stuff everyday."
-One Month Later-
"Hey look, remember that time I wanted to be a painter? Heres all that stuff I bought for it and never opened. I should use it someday." *proceeds to stuff painting supplies back under my bed*

Yeah, you know youve done it. And its not that you dont want to be a painter, its just that you arent really consistent with what it takes to do it.

That changes today! Say goodbye to fleeting hobbies and hello to consistency!

How To Stay Consistent

If theres something that you really want to try, but you dont want it to end up like one of your typical abandoned projects, then its time to learn how to be more consistent. Heres the facts:  whatever youre trying to accomplish, whether its losing weight, learning a new hobby, or becoming a better person, its going to take work. So be sure that youre serious about whatever youre doing.

The first step to staying consistent with your goal, is knowing what youre in for. Do research to be sure you understand exactly what its going to take to see the process through start to finish. Next, create a plan. Pull out a calendar write down when you are going to start, and write down when you are going to finish. Then take note of any days that might interrupt what you are trying to do. Come up with a detailed plan and schedule to keep you on track and consistent with your goal.

Next, create a list that outlines every step of the process. Make this list something that you can cross items off of. It is a lot easier to be consistent when you know exactly what is supposed to come next in your process.

As you create your list of steps, incorporate incentives into your steps so once you hit a land mark (maybe you lost 20 pounds or played your first recital) you are rewarded with something that is completely awesome that you would normally have a hard time justifying.

Once youre ready to start, set reminders on your phone to help you stick to the schedule youve developed. If youre practicing an instrument, or trying to set time aside to work on your book, have a reminder go off when its time to get to work!

Finally, track your progress. Its so important to be able to see the progress youve made.

Its amazing what a little consistency can help you accomplish. So now that you now how to be more consistent, the real question is what are you going to do?

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Fighting the 2 p m Snack Attack

One of the hardest parts about losing weight, or even maintaining weight, is avoiding snacking. For me, I eat really well for breakfast, and then even lunch, but as soon as 2 p.m. hits, I turn into a ravenous beast. I call this the 2 p.m. snack attack. The worst is when Im at work surrounded by food.

I always want ice cream, chocolate, or cake! Unfortunately I cant really eat these foods in moderation when Im mid-snack attack, so if I cave to the craving I eat too much and end up gaining weight (Im slowly learning moderation...slowly but surely).

Until Im better at controlling my portion sizes, Ive learned that its best to avoid these sugary foods all together. So I had to find a solution to my snack attack... Something sweet and filling, something healthy and low in sugar.

This is my 4 step strawberry chocolate milkshake. Its only 195 calories!

Step 1: Gather your ingredients:
1 scoop Vanilla Triumph Slim
1 scoop Chocolate Triumph Slim
6 Strawberries
1 cup Ice
Water to taste

Step 2: Add ingredients into a blender.
Step 3: Blend on pulse or liquefy until smooth.
Step 4: Pour into a cup and enjoy immediately.

You can learn more about Vanilla and Chocolate Triumph Slim here.

But what if sweets are your thing? What if you crave something salty and crunchy? Ive got you covered there, too! Check out my post on Kale chips for a healthy, satisfying snack!

Your 2 p.m. snack attack doesnt have to wreck your diet. There are snacks out there that will hit the spot without hitting your hips. Try this healthy recipe, and not only will you stick to your diet, you wont feel like youre depriving yourself.


What are your favorite healthy snacks?

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How to tighten loose skin Meet the products

The other night I was talking to my mom about my progress on the HCG Diet. It didnt take long before we got on the subject of plastic surgery. Mom said, "You know Im not a big fan of all that, but I think after this is over, youre going to need some surgeries. Youre young, you dont want loose skin."

I think about this all the time, the loose skin that is.

I am definitely not the type of girl who wants to chop off bits of her nose, or have bigger lovely lady lumps. However, I am starting to notice (80 pounds into my weight loss journey) that my skin isnt shrinking the way I thought.

Surgery seems extreme to me, and expensive. Im not ruling surgery out completely, but I do want to give my skin a chance to tighten on its own, and I want to try some other products before jumping onto the operating table.

I found four things that Im going to try in an effort to tighten my loose skin

1. Burts Bees Radiance Exfoliating Body Wash - $7.99

2. Bio Oil - $11.99

3. It Works Ultimate Body Applicator - $115.00

4. Weight Training - Free

This is the first part in my Skin Tightening Series. Tomorrow I will be giving an introduction to Bio Oil.

Have you experienced loose skin after losing weight? What did you do to treat it?

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How to Stick to Your Diet During the Weekend

Am I the only one who has to fight the urge to stuff my face during the weekend? Theres something about Fridays sweet, sweet arrival that makes me want to eat all the food in the world, and its really frustrating the way eating poorly for a couple days on the weekend can completely undo all of my work to lose weight from the week before.

This has been such a struggle for me lately and its one Ive been trying to deal with and figure out. Heres the thing: I work so hard during the week to let two little days ruin everything. Ive tried a few things that Im please to report have worked and since the weekend is fast approaching, I figured Id better pass those along to you!

Tips for Weekend Dieting 

Start your day with a morning workout - First thing Saturday morning, 

wake up and workout. This sets a precedent for your weekend. Do your workout first thing in the morning before you day starts getting really busy. One of the things that has worked for me is going for a run Saturday morning at 8:00 a.m.. It helps me wake up and taking the first few steps is like making a commitment to myself that Im seriously about being strong this weekend.

Follow your workout with a healthy breakfast - Skip the indulgent breakfast of waffles and bacon and spend time making something healthy instead. Eat a piece of fruit, shake up a protein shake, or scramble eggs. The healthy options are endless, but the point is to make sure that your first meal of the day during the weekend is healthy. It will set the tone for the rest of the day.

Take water with you everywhere - Theres just something about carrying around a bottle of water that makes you want be healthier. Not only are you less likely to cave to sugary/carbonated beverages when youre sipping on H20, but youre also staying hydrated which is important for controlling your appetite.

Set limits for yourself - Dont go into the weekend with a free for all mindset. As much as wed like to think weekends dont count, they do. All of the calories you are eating add up, so set limits for yourself. Maybe you do increase your calories a little bit on the weekend. For instance maybe instead of eating 1500 you allow yourself to eat 1700 calories. You still feel like youre getting a little splurge, but youre still tracking what youre eating and staying conscious of where you are for your daily caloric total. You can also make your weekend reward not associated with food. Set the limit to stick to your diet, but reward yourself with a new pair of paints or a purse. Its completely possible to enjoy your weekend without going off the deep end.

Take ownership - Its easy to say, "Well, Im so busy on the weekends, its just impossible to eat healthy." Thats a cop out and you know it. Weekends are busy, of course they are.  We all know this. And since we all know this, we can plan around this. Own your diet. Own your health. Decide that you are going to eat healthy no matter where you are or who you are with, because deep down you know that your health is mor important than any celebration with food. You also know that youll feel 100 times better come Monday morning when you weigh in and see a number that is lower than what it was on Friday. You know all of these things. So own it. 

So those are the things that Ive tried. I hope that helps you a little bit. What are some things that youve tried to stay focused on the weekend? Post them in the comments section below!

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How Long Will It Be

I started writing this post over an hour ago, and I am just now getting to it. I am slow tonight! I had a few emails to catch up on, a thank you note to write, facebook to check. Lots to do! I wasnt planning on writing tonight, because frankly, I just cant do the grief thing day in and day out. I do know that thats why youre here, because it makes for a good read. And thats totally ok with me, please just be aware that I wont be "grief blogging" every day. I would say the majority of my posts will be about grief, but Ive still got that Advent Calendar post to publish.

Anyway...

Today the youngest was very tired and overwhelmed. We were cleaning the house all day, and she didnt get a nap in. Naps arent the norm for her, but once in awhile she will still take one. During one of her cranky fits, she was crying and crying and said "I want my daddy".

Just imagine me letting out the biggest sigh ever. The weight of the world on my shoulders.

All I can do for her is say "I know", and give her a hug and a kiss.

I dont know how to handle these types of instances. I know she is young, but how long will it be till she stops asking about him? All the kids have known is having Daddy gone for work, he started Trucking when the twins were just over a year old. And while he had a local trucking job for awhile, they were just 2-3, and E at the time was just brand new, and 1.5 when he started with his current job (well, it was his current job). So all the kids are used to him being gone, but the older three understand more. She doesnt. I want her to ask, I dont want her to stop asking, but I dont know how to explain to her about what happened, over and over and over. My usual response is something along the lines of: "Daddys heart was sick, and the doctors couldnt fix it, and then daddy died. Now he lives in our hearts and we can talk to him any time we want" etc etc.

I thought ahead to Christmas, and her birthday, and wondered if shes going to ask about him then. Why does she have to be so used to him being gone? Why did his job have to be such a curse and a blessing that way? I cant help but wonder if she will forget him. I dont want her to forget! I am scared she will stop asking about him, and forget he existed, because she is so young. I know that it is our duty to keep him alive for her, to relay memories and tell stories, look at pictures and watch the few videos we have. And sadly, that is all we have now, whatever exists in our hearts and our heads, the jpgs in the computer and the few videos I have wandering somewhere around the house.

And if she does ask, what the hell am I going to say? How do I explain to her that daddy can never come back? It breaks my heart to break hers. How can I tell her that No, daddy isnt working, he died and now he lives in our hearts? As I said earlier, she is used to him being gone, she doesnt get the finality of the situation.

I just dont know what to do!

And while I am on the topic of grieving, I am wondering how to handle day to day life with the kids. I feel like we arent grieving. OK, maybe we are, I know we all are, but around each other, we dont so much. I rarely cry in front of the kids. The boy doesnt like to talk about his feelings. V, the oldest, is always saying how much she misses him and does cry...she shows her grief the most. E, the middle child, is a lot like the boy and doesnt show her feelings very well.

It feels like were just going through the motions of day to day life as usual. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Is it bad that this is our life, having him gone all the time, and bad that were used to it? I will be bringing this up at our next grief support group, because I think that some of the other parents can give me some insight on this. I personally, do not know what to do, because I want us to miss him, I want us to cry and be sad, but it seems like we just dont know how because we are so used to him being gone.

I know for a fact that I have trouble grieving in front of the kids. I do cry occasionally in front of them, and I know they have heard me at night getting upset and crying, but I feel like I have to put on a front for them and just be the strong mommy. The grieving wife side of me doesnt get to come out usually unless I am by myself at night, or during the day if all the kids are gone at friends houses or school.

Does anyone have any ideas? I know youre all reading, so comment already :)

Its hard to believe Ive been a widow for almost 7 weeks. It will be 7 weeks on Saturday.

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Low Carb Pumpkin Fluff

Pumpkin season. Love it or hate it, its still gonna happen. I am a pumpkin lover. Pumpkin pie, pumpkin spice Oreos, pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, pumpkin spice lattes, but all those carbs? Im gonna have to pass. So heres my way of getting a pumpkin fix without getting all the carbs that traditional pumpkiny goodies bring. LOW CARB PUMPKIN FLUFF topped with stevia whipped cream!

Pumpkin Fluff

8 oz low fat cream cheese
8 oz pumpkin puree
1/4 cup Trulicious Powdered Stevia
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

In a large bowl, combine ingredients using a handheld mixer. Refrigerate 10 minutes.

Whipped Cream
1 pint whipping cream
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup Trulicious Powdered Stevia

In a separate bowl, whip together ingredients on high until light and fluff. Spread on top of pumpkin fluff and refrigerate 10 minutes before enjoying.

This recipe yields 8 servings. Each servings is about 286 calories, 5 grams carbs, 4 grams protein.

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Woah...More Food Ideas?

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HCG Beach Body Project 2014

I dont know about you, but Im counting down to summer! And its coming up fast, especially when I realize I have less than 3 months to get swimsuit ready. I really want to help as many women as possible get ready for summer and regain their confidence. So, I am hosting a Count Down to Beach Body using the HCG Diet! 

Ive put together a timeline and some resources to help you lose up to 40 pounds by the first day of summer (June 21st, 2014). Thats right... up to 40 pounds!

Ive mapped everything out for you from your starting date, to your ending date, your maintenance phase, Ive even made a 40 day menu for your time on Phase 2! Whhhhatttt? Yeah girl, Ive got you covered.

Email me for your HCG Phase 2 40 day menu!

So heres how it works: In order to fit a round of HCG and a round of maintenance in before summer, you have to order your kit by April 2nd (domestic orders by April 7th at the latest) so you get it in time to start on April 15th. The menu covers the 40 days of food youll eat in Phase 2 using recipes from HCGDiet.coms digital recipe book and some of the meals are substituted for Gnarly Slim meal replacement shake. So make sure that you have your kit, your digital recipe book and your meal replacement shake ready to go by April 15th.

If you need to get your supplies, no worries, Ive negotiated a special deal to make sure you can get everything you need to start for an affordable price.

Get 35% off a 40 day HCG Kit, a digital recipe book and a Gnarly Slim Protein Shake when you apply the coupon code MYBEACHBODY at checkout. This is only for my readers and its a great discount to get you started! Then you can send me an email (lowery@hcgdiet.com) to get your 40 day menu, diet timeline, and my Phase 3 menu! :) Seriously, this is going to be awesome.

No excuses, ladies. Its time to get your beach body!

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6 Months Later Still Maintaining

Its been over six months since Ive finished doing the HCG Diet. In the last six months Ive moved, started a new relationship, gone through counseling to address my emotional eating, and started school again. Despite all the stress, late nights, and emotional ups and downs, Im maintaining my weight loss within a reasonable threshold of about 5 pounds. :) Wooohoo. 

There have been times when I have a rough week, a long trip, too many dates to Olive Garden, or too many last minute stops for food, resulting in a gain that puts me past my 5 pound threshold, but no matter what happens. I get back on track, whether its the next day or the next week I always get back on track..I have to do it. Partly out of pride but mostly because I never want to go back to the girl I was. 

Who was that girl? Well, it is throw back Thursday.... so let me refresh your memory. 

Wasnt a fan that this got taken...

An awkward photo shoot with my cousin hahaha oooh college fun

Senior Year Dance in High School

Roommate Photo Shoot

At my heaviest weight (at least to my knowledge) I weighed 285.6 pounds. To put that in perspective I weighed more than most NBA power forwards. In fact, I weighed what Andrew Bynum weighs and hes  seven feet tall. Me? Im 54 on a good day.

 I was completely stubborn about my weight. I shut down all conversations about it with concerned family members, I avoided going to places that it might come up. I put on a front and decided to take on the role of that funny fat friend, and even though I was laughing externally, I wasnt happy. 

Looking back on photos is definitely strange. I know its me, it just doesnt fee like it. It doesnt feel like I was ever that big, or even that unhappy. But when I really look at the pictures, and I look in my eyes in the photo Im reminded of how insecure I felt. How incomplete. For instance, in the bowling picture, I was going through a rough time living away from home. I was lonely and homesick and entertaining two friends from high school who came to visit. I was so nervous for them to show up that I spent half of my check on new clothes but was still worried that when they saw me, their first thought would be, "My God, shes gotten fat." 

Eventually, feeling insecure got old.

It took me nearly 10 years to decide to lose weight, but it only took me 293 days to lose it, and when I say "it" I mean 100 pounds. I went from 285.6 pounds and to 185.6. Now, 6 months after losing 100 pounds Im still sticking with the healthy habits Ive learned. When I stepped on the scale today I weighed in at 187.2. :) Only 1.6 pounds up from my ending weight of 185.6. As long as Im within the 5 pound threshold (or under it), Im happy.

I maintain my weight by eating mostly fruits, veggies and protein. Ive been running 3-6 times a week to help keep my metabolism going. When I do have those weeks where I gain too much, I always remind myself  that whatever happens today, tomorrow is a fresh start. 

This whole experience has been amazing. Ive loved how the HCG Diet has taught me how to eat healthier. Ive loved how Ive learned to love my body. Ive loved learning to enjoy running (I never saw that coming). 

I only have one regret when it comes to my weight loss journey: I wish I had started it sooner. 

Thanks for all of the support and the love! Heres to six more months of maintaining. 

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Two Months Ago

In Loving Memory
Barry N. Bender, Jr.
3-6-80 to 10-10-09

I will love you forever and always sexy man.

Ive been writing this blog post off and on for the past week, gleaning bits of information from myself to write today.

Today is the magical number two. Two months. 8 Weeks and 5 days exactly. 87,840 minutes.

It has been that long since Barry died.

And you know what? Im OK. I really am. most of the time. Today though, because it has been two months, I am sad. And I am crying, but I am OK. I am OK because I know that he loves me, and he will always love me. And I am OK because I know that I gave him his forever, even though he couldnt give it to me. I gave him the most love he could ever receive, I was a good wife, I was a good mother to his kids, I was his everything. He died knowing that I loved him, and that he was loved. And now in tribute to him, I am going to continue to live because that is what he would have wanted.

I still miss him terribly, but that awful heart wrenching pain has dissipated quite a bit. And for that I am thankful. I am thankful I can go to bed without crying, without feeling desperation all day, without feeling like I HAVE to grieve. I can go about a normal day and be a normal person. I love the picture that I posted of him. I took it this past summer at Fort Langley when we were visiting my mom. He rarely smiled in pictures, but in this one I can just see a smile coming out. I can look at it and see his mouth break open into a smile, while he looks at me. Even his eyes are smiling.

My cousin Heidi wrote a note on face book that really struck a cord with me. She wrote exactly how I felt, have felt, was feeling. She wrote about how you never think things are going to get better, and how it seems all youre going to do is hurt. But that time heals.

And its true, it really is. Time heals all wounds, even though it seems like complete bullshit when you first hear it.

To quote Barry,

"But in realizing death, we must also remember to live. Time heals all wounds. Grief is normal, and it will pass"

Ive had to repeat that to myself many times over the past two months. It seemed at first that nothing would get better, that I could never be happy again, that I would never get past this. And I really did walk around in a fog, just had this cloud above my head that was dark and thunderous. Eventually it started to go away, slowly, but its gone now. Sometime last month, a couple weeks before I wrote my post about "Its Time", is when I finally started feeling normal. I still wrote grief posts after that, because I felt I had to, but not because I wanted to. I felt it was expected of me. Like I had to bow to societys standards about how I have to grieve. But you know what? Fuck Society. Really. I dont care what everyone else thinks. Im an adult, I am independent, and I will make my OWN decisions and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks of me. I can thank Barry for helping me cultivate that attitude/view on life, because without him, I wouldnt have it. I will grieve in my own way, and if someone doesnt understand then they can just keep that to themselves.

Then I think about what he said, and I realize that time does heal all wounds. I can look back at him now and smile, and remember without my heart breaking. I still get teary eyed sometimes, and I will always miss him and love him. Hell never be forgotten. Hell always live on in us.

I had my ring cut off on Monday. I didnt feel right wearing it anymore. Im not married anymore, so why wear it? My fingers were too chubby to take it off myself, so I went to a local Jeweler, and had them cut it off. BUT BUT...Im also having mine and his re-soldered together, so they are intertwined. Not sure what Ill do with them after that, but Im not worried about that yet. They are very special to me, and we have the exact same ring, a plain gold band he bought from a German jewelery store. This way, if the kids want later in life, they can get them made into wedding bands for themselves, and have something special that was mine and Barrys. Ive also gotten rid of most of his stuff. Ive kept all the important mementos like pictures, cards, his wallet, knives/guns, last outfit he ever wore, his favorite t-shirt and one shirt for each of the kids. And I kept most of his DVDs, and his computers. But everything else went to goodwill. I dont want it anymore. I just needed to get rid of it, as it is cluttering up my life. I just cant have it around anymore. Im ready to move on. I think he would be exceptionally proud of me for how strong I have been, for how Ive held up in this time of adversity. I know he is proud of me. He ALWAYS encouraged me to become more independent, to stop worrying about what everyone thought of me, to be my own person, and I finally am. He would be extremely proud of me for standing on my own two feet!

In just under a month well be ringing in a new year. Im going to make 2010 the best that I can. Im going to Live, Love, Laugh, and Be Happy.

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How to Renew Motivation

Losing weight isnt easy. On the days when Im motivated, I feel like I can conquer the world, but when Im unmotivated I generally give up on eating healthy and exercising. If only motivation didnt come and go.

Well, in the wise words of Zig Ziglar, "People often say that motivation doesnt last. Well, neither does bathing - thats why we recommend it daily." 

So, here are 6 things you can do everyday to renew your motivation to lose weight.

1. Seek out inspiring people
There are so many people out there who have successfully lost weight! A lot of these people have even taken the time to blog about their efforts, all you have to do is search for them. I came across Undressed Skeleton on Pinterest and its been an amazing way for me to renew my motivation. By finding inspiring people, you are telling yourself that your goal IS achievable! After reading about someone who turned their life around, its hard not to be motivated to do the same.

2. Read something uplifting

Its amazing how a few little words can change my mood almost instantly. I love going to HCGDiet.coms Motivation Quotes board on Pinterest. They have all sort of quotes that help me get excited about my weight loss endeavors. Sometimes I just need a simple reminder that I have to  keep going.

3. Look at success stories
At the beginning of this week I posted a few of the success stories that motivate me. Before and after pictures are a perfect way to get you excited about your diet! There are hundreds online, or you can check out these.

4. Listen to music

Just like pictures and quotes, music is a great way pep up your lackadaisical mood. Try putting your iPod on shuffle and skipping through the songs until you get to one that makes you want to get up and do something amazing. Cinderella Man by Eminem, or Im Not a Rapper by Masfresco always seem to help me refocus myself.

5. Find an incentive and write a goal
Incentives are incredibly motivating. For instance, maybe there is a new purse you really want. Instead of purchasing that purse, use it as an incentive. For example, "I can only buy that purse if I go one week without cheating on my diet." The short term goal followed by a desired reward gives you something to look forward to.

6. Look at old pictures
I love looking at old pictures of myself. The ones I see of me when I was at my heaviest weight make me proud! The ones I see of me when I was healthy an active give me motivation to get back to that point. Sift through your old pictures to remind yourself of why you started.

All of us feel unmotivated at some point, but thats no reason to give up on our weight loss goal! Motivation can be renewed, and the tips above are simple ways to make it happen.

What do you do to renew your motivation?

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How to Transition into Phase 3 of the HCG Diet

Ive written several blogs on Phase 3 of the  HCG Diet, probably one for each of my four rounds.Why so many? Well, Phase 3 is a MAJOR part of the HCG Diet. This is the phase that will solidify your weight loss.

I constantly get questions about Phase 3 from anxious HCG Dieters. Understandably, people are nervous to start adding in more calories after being restricted for so long. Today I want to provide you with a very basic, but thorough Phase 3 outline. These are my recommendations based upon my experiences. Sometimes what works for me may not work for you, but hopefully youll find the guidance I give helpful.

I get it, youve been eating hardly anything for 26 days or more. Youre excited to have more variety. Take a breath and slow yourself down. Im not trying to burst any bubbles here, but your Week 1 on Phase 3 is going to be pretty similar to Phase 2.

Here are a few things to remember during Phase 3 Week 1:
-Double the servings you ate in Phase 2
-Cut out Melba Toast, its not allowed in Phase 3
-NO DAIRY..yet
-Only add in a couple of fruits and veggies during this week
-Start exercising
-Aim for 950-1000 calories
-You can start adding regular cosmetics back into your routine
-Continue to drink 1/2 gallon - 1 gallon of water
-Keep a detailed food journal
-Avoid Carbohydrates unless they are coming from fresh fruit

Week 1 Phase 3 Sample Menu:
Breakfast: 2 boiled eggs - 140 calories
Snack: Apple - 85 calories
Lunch: 6 oz Chicken - 256, 1/2 c. cherry tomatoes - 45, 2 c. lettuce - 10, Pace salsa - 35
Snack: 1 scoop Triumph Slim - 80, 1 cucumber - 45
Dinner: 6 oz shrimp - 168, 1/2 c. broccoli - 30
Snack: 1/2 c. raspberries w/ Trulicious - 32
Total Calories: 926

Youll notice that the only additions were extra servings of food, broccoli, and raspberries. Its pretty straight forward. Youll also notice that there isnt Melba Toast added or diary. Now I know that this is rough because it isnt the added variety you were hoping for, but trust me when I say you dont want to rush into adding too many foods too quickly.

Moving on to Week 2 of Phase 3, you can try adding in a couple of dairy items and some more veggie options.

Things to remember for Week 2 Phase 3:
-Continue to keep a detailed food journal
-Dont purchase low-fat dairy products, they may have less calories, but they usually have more carbs
-Add dairy in one serving at a time
-Continue to drink 1/2 gallon - 1 gallon of water
-Aim for 1000-1100 calories
-Continue exercising

Week 2 Phase 3 Sample Menu:
Breakfast: Apple - 85 calories, Boiled egg - 70
Snack: 2 thin slices of Swiss cheese - 140
Lunch: 6 oz lean beef - 411, broccoli - 30
Snack: Triumph Slim - 80
Dinner: 6 oz chicken - 256, 2 c. lettuce, 1/2 c. - 10, cherry tomatoes - 45
Snack: 6 strawberries - 45
Total Calories: 1,127

Once again, youll notice that the addition was minimal. If your body responds well to this change you can slowly start to add a bit more.

As you progress toward Week 3 of Phase 3 you can start adding in various healthy fats like avocado and yogurt.

Here are some things to remember for Week 3 Phase 3:
-Continue to keep a detailed food journal
-Dont purchase products that are low-fat
-Add healthy fats in one at a time
-Continue to drink 1/2 gallon - 1 gallon of water
-Aim for 1100-1200 calories
-Continue exercising

Week 3 Phase 3 Sample Menu:
Breakfast: Greek yogurt w/ stevia - 146,
Snack: Apple - 85, 2 thing slices of Swiss cheese - 140
Lunch: 6 oz chicken - 256, 1 cucumber - 45, 1/2 avocado - 161
Snack: 1 scoop Triumph Slim - 80
Dinner: 6 oz shrimp - 168, zucchini - 120
Snack: orange - 70
Total Calories: 1271

So by this point youve made it to Week 4 of Phase 3. Your body should be stabilizing. You should be learning the foods you can and cant eat, and hopefully youve developed some good exercise habits.

Here are some things to remember for Week 4 Phase 3:
-Continue to keep a detailed food journal
-Experiment with condiments, just make sure there isnt added sugar
-You can start testing other fatty, healthy foods like peanut butter, squash, nuts, ect.
-Continue drinking 1/2 gallon - 1 gallon of water
-Aim for 1200-1300 calories
-Continue exercising

Week 4 Phase 3 Sample Menu:
Breakfast: Plain Greek yogurt w/stevia - 146, raspberries - 32, poached egg - 70
Snack: 2 thin slices of Swiss cheese - 140, 1/2 c. Cherry tomatoes - 45
Lunch: Chef salad w/ ranch - 502
Snack: Triumph Slim - 80
Dinner: 6 oz beef - 411, grilled peppers & onions - 62
Snack: Cottage cheese - 161, avocado - 81
Total Calories: 1360

I hope all this helps to clear up some of the confusion that surrounds Phase 3. If you have any questions, feel free to email me - lowery@hcgdiet.com.

For more resources on Phase 3, check out some of my other Phase 3 posts:
Eating out on Phase 3
Phase 3 Spaghetti
Alternatives to a Steak Day
Phase 3 Sample Menu
Best Phase 3 Pizza
Phase 3 Exercise Plan
3 Important Tips for Phase 3
Phase 3 of the HCG Diet

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Life Update Balancing Life for Better Health

Life has this way of pulling you into chaos. When this happens, you hang on for dear life and pray you make it through.

Ive realized lately that I havent been very personal on here lately, mostly because Ive had some big things to handle recently and I tend to withdraw from friends, family, and readers when that happens.

Whenever I feel stressed, its usually because there is an imbalance in my life. My physical, mental, and emotional health are all very important to me. Usually when something goes amiss in one of those aspects, the other ones fall apart too. You cannot be healthy if any of those things are lacking. Its no surprise that as I started to get overwhelmed, I started to put on a few pounds here and there. Im not yet where I want to be because Ive been neglecting myself, and so I have made it a goal to refocus myself in every aspect of my life. So, just to catch everyone up... Heres what Im working on:

Physical

FitBit Fun! I got a fit bit a few weeks ago and its been so fun competing with my friends to get all my 10,000 steps in. :) I got the FitBit Zip on sale at Best Buy and its been an interesting challenge trying to move more on days when Im not scheduled to run! Each day I have the goal to hit 10,000 steps.

Speaking of Running... Last month I did phenomenal with my running. Each week I set up a schedule on Mondays and would make sure I stuck to that schedule. Three weeks ago, I finished a run and was having a really hard time breathing. A day later it was much worse and I went into see a doctor after having a really bad panic attack that led to a fit of coughing that I was not able to catch my breath from. I was having chest pain and felt terrible. Turned out I had a breathing virus causing inflammation in my lungs, and a fever of 103! I did a breathing treatment, was put on steroids and an inhaler, and told I needed to take a little break from running. That little break turned into about two weeks. The first week doctors orders, the second week being terrified that I wouldnt be able to finish a run without having an asthma attack. This week I am putting that fear aside and going for a good run tonight! :) My goal is to get my mileage up to 15 miles per week with my average mile time being 10:30. Im not a very fast runner, but I am enjoying celebrating the little victories of getting my mileage up and my pace down! Im also working toward increasing my long runs to 6.2 miles. Once I have my mileage up, Im going to work on my speed. Id like to be able to run a mile and a half in 11:56. 

As far as my diet goes, I am trying to cut out all candy this week. I am also trying to stick to 1300 calories M-F, 1500 calories Sat & Sun.. My focus is on eating balanced meals. Low carb during the week, and still being mindful during the weekends, trying to only eat whole grains. Woohoo. Ive been trying to take my focus off the number on the scale and instead focus on how well Im sticking to the goals above. If I do all these things above, I know my weight will be fine.

Mental

I am trying to take control of my life by taking control of my thoughts. I realized that Ive lost sight of some of the things I really enjoy just because Ive been too unmotivated to put the effort into keeping up with them. One of my goals to improve my mental healthy is to things that I dont want to do if I know they will improve or contribute to my life. So that pile of laundry that is sitting in my room, Im going to fold it. And that blog Ive been wanting to start, Im going to start it. That phone call Ive been needing to make, Im going to make it. Those articles and documentaries Ive been meaning to read, Im going to read them. One of my greatest fears in life is becoming stagnant. I dont want to settle. I want to progress. Progressing means overcoming yourself mentally and learning to push through the lazy thoughts that are holding you back. And thats exactly what I plan to do.

Emotional

Emotionally, Ive been having a difficult time. Going through a breakup basically destroys your confidence, then add all the other pressures of life onto that, and it becomes really easy to feel negative. Emotionally, Im trying to come to terms with the fact that being alone doesnt mean you have to feel lonely. My happiness is not dependent upon another person. Ive made a goal to be productive with my alone time instead of trying to escape it by making plans, spending all night on social media. Im also working on serving others to feel more confident about myself. I know that I have a lot to offer this world, and that thought is empowering, but if I never take opportunities to help others, I dont feel like Im living up to my full potential.

Remember that no matter how hectic your life gets, you still are capable of rising above all of the things that try to hold you down. Your life is in your hands. Your happiness is solely dependent upon how you react to situations. Are you going to be a victim in the your own story? Or are you going to be a hero? Its your choice. Ive made mine.

What are some of your goals?

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How to Drink More Water to Lose More Weight

When I first decided to lose weight, my method of hydration consisted mostly of diet soda and milk. I wasnt getting in the the necessary water to help my body function well, even on a good day.  Fast forward a year later and one hundred pounds slimmer, water is a critical part of my day and my old habits of milk and diet soda are nearly non-existent.

Now, I know that we always hear that we should drink water to help us lose weight, but is there research behind it? The short answer is yes. A study from Dr. Brenda Davy, that was published in the Journal of the American Dietetic, showed that people who drink two glasses of water 20-30 minutes before each meal actually lost more weight in the beginning and a greater amount of weight overall than people who didnt drink the water. Read more about this research on CNN Health.

Heres my thinking, water helps us feel full because it occupies space in our stomach. If we drink it before a meal, when were ready to eat we dont have that starving feeling that triggers our brains to overeat. So when you are on a diet that restricts your calories, it only makes sense that you take full advantage of this system.

I lost all my weight using the HCG Diet. The HCG protocol requires you to drink at least a gallon of water each day but Ive noticed that drinking a bit more than a gallon more helps me lose more weight.

I know what youre thinking, "I know why we need to drink water, but it tastes so boring, Lowery!" Yup, I get it. Ive been there. Like I said, I mostly drank soda or milk. But now I rarely even want to drink anything besides water. So while it may be difficult to start drinking water, once that habit is formed, your body begins to crave water. To make the tasteless substance easier to get down in the beginning, I would add flavor by putting in lemons or mint leaves. Eventually it got to the point that I didnt need those things.

Heres how this drinking water thing is going to work for you:

Step One: Get a gallon jug. I picked mine up from a gas station for about a buck and I refill it every morning. By buying the jug, you arent refilling bottles up every hour and you can track how much you drink easily.

Step Two: Set reminder or alarms on your phone or write them on a jug to drink 1/4 of the water before breakfast, 1/4 of the jug after breakfast, 1/4 of the jug before lunch, 1/4 of the jug after lunch. Boom, a gallon. Then fill your gallon up a little more and sip on that through dinner time.

Step Three: Keep your jug next to you at all times. If you get thirsty drink from the jug (it makes it easier to track). You can drink more than 1/4 at a time if you want to, but it helps some people to space it out.

Step Four: I prefer to chug my water, but some people prefer to sip. Whichever way you do it just make sure you get the 1/4 in before you meals.

See! Its pretty straight forward. Ill be honest, the first couple weeks youll have to pee like crazy but after awhile your trips to the bathroom become less frequent. Plus, not only will the water help your appetite, but it help prevent breakouts and dry skin! Win-Win.

How do you make sure you stay hydrated?

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