Vacation Planning

Most everyone knows I am planning on taking the kids on a trip this October to help us pass the one year mark as easy as possible.  I know there are most definitely differing opinions, running from "Why are you wasting your money" to "It wont help make it any better for you all".  And I have heard ALL of them!  While I value every ones opinions, I dont really care, because in the end, Im going to do what Im going to do.

And Im taking the kids out of school for two weeks in October and were going to Florida.   Yep, two weeks.  I will be taking homework for them, as I think it will help mellow them out too when theyre too full of energy.  Im sure the teachers will appreciate it too.  Originally I had planned on only going for a week and a half, but figured if were going to do the whole Florida thing, wed do it right.  I havent booked anything yet, but will be doing so in the next couple weeks, as I am still doing research on everything.  My plan is to leave sometime between the 30th of September (on a red-eye) and the 6th, and stay for two whole weeks.  The only requirement I have is that were there for sure before the 8th, because that is Es 8th birthday!!   Well be doing the Disney World Resort theme parks for about a week or so, and then were headed to Universal Orlando for 4 days.  AND...to make it educational, lol, Ill be taking the kids to NASA aka Kennedy Space Center for a day.  I plan on skipping the beaches, because, I really dont care about that.  I havent worked out the entire details, but the bulk of our trip will be at Disney World (The Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom, Epcot and Disneys Hollywood Studios).

I am super super excited to go to Universal Orlando because "The Wizarding World of Harry Potter" will be open, and me being a huge Harry Potter fan, that will be the ULTIMATE vacation (besides Europe of course!).  Also, Harry Potter was Barrys favorite book series.  He loved it so much, it was even mentioned in his Obit and at the funeral.  I couldnt even tell you how often he read the books, more than I did for sure.  He was an avid Harry Potter Fan.  He and I were able to see the 6th movie together last summer!  As the kids and I were touring the Harry Potter attractions on the Universal website (check out the link I posted above!), I did get a little teary eyed.  It made me so sad that Barry wouldnt  be able to be there with us, because he would have loved it.  I know hell be there with us still in spirit, but how I wish he could see it in the flesh with us at his side.  So this is something else were going to do for him, and I am so excited!

Some of the stores they have open in the Hogsmeade village include Olivanders (Yes, I will get a wand for the kids! LOL), Zonkos and also Honeydukes among others.  There is even "Owl Post", which is a functioning post office, and mails items from there with a Hogsmeade postmark!  Can you tell I am excited? I am just over the moon about going.

If anyone has any tips on Disney World for me, or how to travel across the country with 4 kids on a plane, please let me know :) I welcome any advice that will help make it easier for me!  This is going to be a "once in a lifetime" thing, so I am going to make it the most memorable trip I possibly can.

Im looking forward to sharing details with you all!!

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Sleepless Ramblings Of A New Homeowner

Its the wee hours of the morning and I am laying here in my bed, typing on my laptop, as sleep will not overcome me. again.

Ive been having this problem for awhile now. It comes and goes really, and was really very bad just a few short months ago when I was still in shock from losing Barry. And now its resurfacing: being tired, but restless, and unable to settle down and sleep. My mind going a million miles a minute, while my eyes burn from lack of shut-eye.

I took a Valerian root capsule and I am hoping that helps. At least I can be happy that I am laying in bed, and it was just shortly after midnight when I started typing this, rather than last night when I wasnt in bed till well after 2AM.

Today was my first full day of being an official homeowner!! Monday afternoon I got the call from my Realtor about 3:34 PM saying that the title had FINALLY recorded at County, and that the house was mine. HOORAY!! After the kids got home from school, my mom and I and the kids went over to the house to bring some stuff over. It was the first time I had been in the house without my Realtor, and it felt so surreal. I almost didnt feel right about it, because for the past month, I have only been in the house with him. And Ill be honest, I am going to miss him! He has done so much for me the past couple months weve been working together, and weve seen each other often. But I will be seeing him again, because he is going to be helping me with changing the garage door code, an getting me the mailbox key etc etc. Essentially, he is my "Barry" right now. He is doing a lot of the guy stuff for me that I havent delegated to my friend Jason, or my girlfriends husbands.

As I walked into the house yesterday afternoon, I made sure to put something very special on the fireplace mantle. It was the first official item that was placed in the house after it was in my name. And that item was the American flag that I was presented at Barrys funeral. It now sits ensconced in a cherry and glass triangular case, upon my mantle. I had actually thought about bringing Barrys Urn to put on top of there, but I decided against it because I didnt want to leave him in the house by himself! And yes, I laughed about that.

So now begins yet another chapter in our lives: A new house, new memories, new friends.

New Beginnings.

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Goodbye Old House

This is a pre-written post, as while you are reading this I am probably cursing at the movers for going so slow, and lamenting the fact that they are dirtying my floors in both old and new houses. I intended this to be a "Goodbye and Hello" post, but after re-reading it, I find it a stronger post without the hello. Ill do the "Hello" from the new house, that will be my first post from there.

Today is moving day!

Goodbye house that weve lived in for 2 years and 1 month

Goodbye toilet in my bathroom that doesnt flush well but always made Barrys legs numb

Goodbye path in the yard that the dog wore into the grass from running back and forth

Goodbye to all my white trash neighbors, I shall not miss you. not one bit.

Goodbye pot holes in the shared driveway from aforementioned neighbors

Goodbye crappy black side by side fridge

Goodbye tiny sinks that I cant wash dishes in

Goodbye jacuzzi tub that Barry loved so much

Goodbye nice big porch

Goodbye thin walls that we can hear everything through

Goodbye easy way to the Edwards house, now we shall have to drive

Goodbye couches that we bought 6.5 years ago and have been well loved.

Goodbye shitty plastic blinds that break and bend so easily

Goodbye soft spot on the laundry room floor by the back door

Goodbye holes in the yard that Braddock dug

Goodbye ugly green carpet

Goodbye flat, non glossy paint in the kitchen that stained so easily

Goodbye bed, you I shall miss...you were the baby making bed, you held us close every night, you have been with us since Germany...10 years now. I shall see you in my new garage ;-) Perhaps one day you will grace one of the kids bedrooms when they are married, and give them the love that you gave Barry and I for almost 10 years of marriage.

Goodbye house that we have lived in for two years and 1 month, that was our last home as a family of 6.

Goodbye to low utility bills, I will miss the well water as now I have to pay for city water.

Goodbye Barrys spot on the couch, where he would take over the coffee table with his school stuff.

Goodbye toilet that made Barrys legs numb, I will never sit upon you again.

Goodbye TV/entertainment center/sound system that was so complicated to put together, but Barry did it anyway. Youve been replaced, but have served us well for almost 7 years.

Goodbye to the house that was so calm when I came inside for the first time as a widow. I know Barry was waiting for me inside, he had just passed a couple hours before that.

Goodbye Barrys sink in the bathroom where he always shaved his head at. I will miss seeing those black hairs all over the sink.

Goodbye Barrys spot at the kitchen table by the window. Ive taken over that now as the head of the family.

Goodbye living room that had a tall ceiling to hold our 7.5ft Xmas tree.

Goodbye house. We will miss you a lot. We will miss seeing all the spots in the house that remind us of Barry, but now it is time for us to say hello to new things. We can still drive by and see you anytime we want, as were right down the road. Try not to miss us too much, soon you will be filled with a new family ready to make as many memories as we did, surrounded by your walls.

We will miss you house.

p.s...I know I said some goodbyes more than once. Some were intended to be more of a "good riddance" goodbye, and others were taking a more sad side to saying goodbye. It was my intention to mention them more than once.

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Goodbye Fog Hello Clouds

I was reading a few blogs today written by fellow widows, and one in particular struck a chord with me regarding the timeline we follow when we grieve.

Grief is a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs, wobbly bits, sharp fast corners and stomach-dropping vomit inducing speeds. And then at times, it is peaceful and quiet, calm even. You cant predict what will happen next, unfortunately, as grief is a roller coaster that doesnt have a set course. It goes in any which way it wants.

Right now I feel I am on the calm tracks of my grief roller coaster. It could change tomorrow, it could change in a week, but right now, I am OK.

Right around the 6 month mark is when some grieving widows/widowers say they start to feel they are getting a handle on their grief. I have noticed that recently when I cry, my tears are different. Theyre more sad. But with that sadness comes a realization that this life is real, and I cant hide from it anymore. Were about 5 months in now, short a couple days, and it has really only been recently that I have noticed this change.

Is it resignation? Have I finally come to terms with Barrys death? Resignation maybe. The fact that I know this is it, that I cant change anything, and this is the life I have been given. But I still havent come to terms with it. Yes, I know he is dead. I am reminded of that every single time I glance at my dresser and see an Oak box sitting upon it, with his name engraved into it. I feel like a conundrum really, despite the fact that I can sense a change in me.

Several months ago I wrote that the fog was lifting. I was wrong, very very wrong. I think at that time, what was lifting was the shock and numbness of it all. I have still walked around in a fog for the past 5 months. Going about life as normal, functioning as I should, but really being like a robot and going through the motions because that was all I knew how to do to get through the day. I dont know what triggered this recent change in me, but I am happy for it.

The fog is lifting, but there are still clouds in the sky. Occasionally a ray of sunshine will filter through.

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quick hello

Hi All!

I was just in my hometown for three days...didnt abandon you all. I wanted to take the kids on an impromptu vacation, and so we did! Just got back an hour ago and were settling in.

Tomorrow is six months, but I am not ready to write about how Barry died, so ill write somethign else.

Until later!

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Goodbye For Good Old House

I have had such a busy week, and included in that was the move-out inspection at the old house. It seemed like every time I tried to leave that house, something always kept me coming back. Either it was trash pick up in the yard, getting the grass mowed, having to do a last cleaning, or being there when the carpets were cleaned. It was tiring to be completely honest, and I was happy to see Friday afternoon finally come.

I was expecting that the move out inspection would be extremely difficult, emotional...

And it really wasnt. I got a little teary eyed, but that was it. I really did feel ok when I said "goodbye". The landlord walked out of the house before me, so I took a glance around and quietly whispered "goodbye" under my breath as I shut the door behind me for the very last time.

It is quite surreal knowing that the last chapter in our lives has finally closed. This new house, which I have been looking forward to for so long is finally "it", our home. I started this new house journey in January, and here we are at the end of April and its DONE. All done. And now we start the newest chapter in our lives: new beginnings, new memories, a new life.

Im looking forward to it!

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