Running!!!

So, I may have mentioned in my last blog post that I was going to take up running.  I did day one on September 13th, the day A started Pre-K.

I have kept up with it, and this week started my second week.  Day one I completed yesterday.  The running was upped 30 seconds each time, so it was a bit of an adjustment.  I know I will get used to it though.  And I am LOVING it!! I love running.

It exhausts me, it makes me sweat, it makes me breathe heavy, it makes me sore, it makes me want to give up, but I keep plodding away as my feet hit the pavement. It is so hard sometimes to keep pushing myself, to make myself keep going just a little further till I hear that familiar bell on the iPod touch telling me it is time to walk again.  But the fact of the matter is, I still do it, and I still push myself.

I have lost 10lbs since I started running.  Yes, you read that right, 10 pounds in a week.  I havent changed too much of my eating habits, but I have cut out a lot of sweets.  Ok, I take that back, last night I ate a huge king size snickers bar, and at the Mariners game last Friday I pigged out on hot tamales, and had McDonalds for dinner.  But seeing as I rarely buy candy bars, I figured it was ok.  A treat once in awhile is ok, and as long as I dont keep them in the house, Im not tempted to eat them.

Yesterday at my MOPS group, one of my good friends Angela commented that she didnt even recognize me.  She hasnt seen me since the beginning of june, so I guess I changed even over the summer.  WOW!! (Angela  was not at the hospital when Barry died, but came to the house that afternoon, and she lives an hour away, and cooked us all dinner, staying for hours along with a few other girlfriends of mine.  She helped orchestrate a lot of the meals we got through my MOPS group, helped with food at the funeral etc etc.  She was wonderful and Ill forever love her for that).

I am absolutely loving the fact that this weight is pouring off of me.  It makes me want to work harder.  I was looking at a picture of myself the other day, and I was amazed how different I look compared to a year ago.  Perhaps I will share that one day...I look like a completely different person.  I was reflecting on that, and thinking how much Barry would just love how I looked right now.  He loved me at this size...he wouldnt be able to keep his hands off me ;) (now, and years ago when I was this size before I gained all the weight).  I wish Barry could enjoy this new body of mine.  I do know that he can see me, and is still around though, because I saw an orb hovering over me in a picture I took the other night.  It was plain as the nose on my face, just sitting there above my left shoulder.

Speaking of seeing the orbs...I really am not so sure how I feel about that. It makes me so happy to know that he is still around, and gives me a sense of comfort knowing he is watching over us.  But on the other hand, it makes me sad.  That being because he is STILL here, and I cant see, feel, or hear him.  Am I supposed to be content knowing that he is?  I wonder if he is shaking his head at me, all this new stuff I am doing, all the new experiences we are having.  Would he be happy I bought the house? Bought a new 2011 Honda Pilot? Hed probably tell me to stop sitting around and "go clean his house" lol.  Either way, I guess it is a big comfort knowing he is sticking around.  He always did say he would come back to haunt me.  And that he did, but in a good way.  Just wait, Ill now have some really creepy experience to blog about soon because I jinxed myself haha.

Two weeks from today, I will be in Florida.  We leave in 13 days!!! So with that, I say goodbye today, because I have a million things to do.  No running today, as my shins are a bit sore and I dont want to over-do it (Ill probably hit the elliptical later).  Errands, errands and more errands today. Plus...I NEED to start packing.

I am sure youre all wondering...yes, I am taking the lap top with me to Florida.  Ive figured out how to tether my blackberry to my laptop so I will have internet access to blog.  Speaking of that...tell me WHY in 2010 do hotels not have WiFi? Especially at Disney World? WHY????????

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Angry Bitter Pissed Off Weepy Jealous Infuriated

That title explains some of my emotions over the last week or so.

Ive been so angry lately, just full of raw emotions that my week has been a whirlwind.  I dont know what set me off last weekend, I suppose it was a number of things, but its continued to multiply all week until last night was the breaking point for me.

This is all part of the grief cycle, I know that, but when it hit me so hard, I was completely taken aback by the rush of emotion I felt.

The big issue for me right now is my anger at being a single mom, my bitterness at seeing couples together.  And especially at women who take their husbands for granted.  And for part of last night too, I was very angry at Barry for leaving me.  I really feel like I am hitting the anger stage in my grief cycle.  Im angry at everyone around me for having what I do not. Ive been struggling with all of these this whole past week and I just cant seem to get over it. Today is the first good day Ive had in awhile.  I suppose that is due to the complete break down I had yesterday afternoon.

I was at a local wildlife park with the kids, and we were having a wonderful day together.  We ate out, we had ice cream, we saw bears and cougars, foxes, wolves, moose, bison, elk, owls, etc etc, and just really enjoyed ourselves.  But then I started noticing all these couples together and started to get really sad. I missed Barry so much.  And I was ANGRY.  and JEALOUS.  I will be completely honest and say I abhor seeing couples together.  It makes me want to poke them with hot rusty sticks, or else scratch my eyes out. Yep, thats pretty graphic, but its true.  Im so bitter about my situation, I hate being  a single mom. I hate seeing women take their men for granted because I would gladly take one in a heartbeat.

As soon as we got back in the truck to get home, I started getting weepy.  It didnt stop, it was like a slow leak.  We stopped at Safeway because we had almost no food in the house, shopped for an hour, got home and got the groceries inside.  And then the waterworks started. I just started crying and crying and crying.  Thankfully the kids were outside for that.  I was just a fucking mess. I had tears pouring off my face.  And having no tissue handy at that moment, I resorted to using a dish towel to blow my nose on several times.

I knew I had to have company last night, so I texted Jason. And he was busy.  I called Rebecca, which I felt really guilty about because her husband just got back from Iraq a few days ago, but she didnt answer her phone either (which I can understand).  I called Lani, who answered thankfully and listened to me sob, and then promised to come over and drink with me later.  I managed to calm down a bit enough to feed the kids dinner, but I was still a weepy, tear leaking mess.  As soon as the kids went to bed, the water works started again.  At 10PM I was just sobbing in the kitchen.  again. But then Lani never showed up, and never answered her phone either this morning when I called. So I was depressed, drinking and alone last night when I desperately needed company.  My saving grace was a very dear twitter friend of mine who shall remain nameless, whom I also talk to on bbm (blackberry messenger) a lot. We were able to talk for quite some time over bbm late, last night and I was able to catch my breath, calm down, and even laugh a bit.  I really really needed that, so if you are reading this, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Yesterday I probably cried or leaked tears for almost 7 hours if not more. I also cried a lot over the last week and a half. I think Ive cried buckets worth. By the time I was done, my head was pounding, I had drank a bit (which I know did not help), and my face was red. I also cried off about three coats of waterproof mascara.  Yes, three coats.  Thats a hell of a lot of crying you know.   And today I feel much better. I needed that release.  The only way Ive been able to keep that from happening is to block everything out of my mind.  To forget, and just go about my daily life.  I think that it is time to stop that though, because when I block things out, the dam will burst like it did.  It is the only way I know how to function though most of the time.

Im still sad, Im still bitter and angry, jealous and infuriated.  But this whole week has made me realize that I am ready to go see a counselor.  I was not ready before, but I am now.  I am ready to talk to someone.  Im glad about that because we are almost at the one  year mark....wow really? One year.  That amazes me.

PS...today the older girls are at a birthday party.  Last year this same day they were at the same girls birthday party.  Barry was home.  The weather was the same as today, cloudy and a little cool.  After he and I dropped the girls off at their friends house, we took M and A to Burger King for lunch.  Thats all I remember about this day last year.  He had two more days at home with us then, before he went back to work.  That was one of his last times at home.  I miss him so much.

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Crossing Things Off My List

Last May I wrote a list of 20 things I want to do when Im skinny. 100 pounds and one year later, I am slowly starting to cross items off that list. Looking back at my journey, its incredible to see how far Ive come, and while its been hard, I feel incredibly blessed for all the challenges and struggles that have led me to this point.

1. Take a road trip to the beach
2. Go to a club and dance with a guy that I normally would think is out of my league
3. Wear shorts, it’s been over 5 years since I’ve worn shorts in public
4. Buy something from American Eagle other than a purse or shoes
5. Jump on a trampoline
6. Go bungee jumping
7. Try water skiing
8. Run a 5k
9. Take a hip-hop class
10. Buy a “little black dress” that’s actually little
11. Take a yoga class with my skinny best friend and feel just as pretty as her
12. Layout in my backyard in an itsy-bitsy bikini and tan.
13. Go swimming with a guy
14. Cartwheel across a football field
15. Join a gym.
16. Go to an amusement park and ride all of the roller coasters.
17. Go to my five year high school reunion and turn heads.
18. Buy something sexy from Victoria Secret.
19. Promise myself I’ll never go back my old weight.
20. Wear dresses and high heels 3 times a week.

Now, Ive blogged about buying something from American Eagle, joining a gym, buying something sexy from Victoria Secret, and vowing never to return to my old weight. But a I never posted about dancing at the club with a hot guy, or buying a little black dress, or swimming with a guy. :) And honestly, those have been some of my favorite memories from the past year! So since this is the one year anniversary of my 20 things list, I wanted to revisit those experiences.

Lets start with the night of dancing...

So the people who know me know that I am a huge nerd for the Utah Jazz. I grew up going to basketball games. And even though I have had several opportunities to meet players, almost every time I do I get SUPER nervous. Well, one night my roommate and I went with a group of friends to Club ONE in downtown Salt Lake City. It just so happened to be game night for the Jazz and they lost :(. You can imagine my surprise when Jazz guard Earl Watson walked into the club. Normally in this situation, I would have retreated to a corner, but for some reason I felt like my friends Janie, Jessica and I should go dance. As we moved through the crowd, we secured a spot near Watson. For some reason, I wasnt nervous. Janie and I danced and talked to Watson for quite awhile. He was a cool guy, and while Im sure he wouldnt remember who I am, thats one night I will never forget. The crazy thing is, that I know I wouldnt have done that at my previous weight, I didnt have the confidence to just stroll up to an NBA player and start up a conversation. But for some reason, when youre doing something as scary as transforming your body, everything else becomes far less intimidating. Next is the little black dress!

Last year I bought this dress.... It was black and adorable and I knew I wanted it to be my Little Black Dress. The only problem: it was pretty tight. So I stored it in my closet for months and months, trying it on periodically. Bit by bit it started to fit! Then finally, last month I put it on and felt completely satisfied with the dress. Awwww yeahhhhh... watch out world. Im coming for ya! Then theres swimming with a guy. 

Now, I am pretty self conscious about my legs and my arms. So it took a near miracle to put on a swimming suit and jump in a pool on a date. But I did it, and it was so much fun, and I never would have done that if it wasnt for taking charge of my life and realizing there was so much in this world I wasnt letting myself experience.

Losing weight is scary, I know. For a long time I convinced myself that all of the things I couldnt do because of my weight werent worth doing. I realize now I was just being stubborn and insecure in my thinking, but when it comes down to it my weight held me back, and I missed out on a lot of opportunities because of it. 

Im so happy that Ive already done 7 of the things on my list, and believe me when I say that there is no greater reward than the feeling of crossing something else off.
Whats on your list of 20 things to do when youre skinny?

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Cheating on Your Diet Coach Yourself off the Ledge

 Recently, our office at HCGDiet.com has kicked off a biggest loser challenge. I now have 6 people in the office doing the diet with me! Im so proud of how everyone is doing so far. I know its been hard for them to avoid cheating with some of the delicious food around our office, just like it is for me. Overcoming the temptation to eat unhealthy food is a daily battle, but much like me theyre starting to see that its worth it.

Today, I went and asked a few of my new diet buddies what they tell themselves to avoid cheating, because lets face it: we all have those moments when we have to talk ourselves off the diet suicide ledge.

Check out what they had to say below:

Before you decide to cheat on your diet, take a minute to coach yourself out of it. Think ahead to how youll feel tomorrow, you know it wont be worth it! Save yourself the feeling of failure and stay strong. Whatever you want to cheat with now will still exist when you finish the diet. Just be patient. 

What silent coaching advice do you give yourself to avoid cheating? 

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How to Drink More Water to Lose More Weight

When I first decided to lose weight, my method of hydration consisted mostly of diet soda and milk. I wasnt getting in the the necessary water to help my body function well, even on a good day.  Fast forward a year later and one hundred pounds slimmer, water is a critical part of my day and my old habits of milk and diet soda are nearly non-existent.

Now, I know that we always hear that we should drink water to help us lose weight, but is there research behind it? The short answer is yes. A study from Dr. Brenda Davy, that was published in the Journal of the American Dietetic, showed that people who drink two glasses of water 20-30 minutes before each meal actually lost more weight in the beginning and a greater amount of weight overall than people who didnt drink the water. Read more about this research on CNN Health.

Heres my thinking, water helps us feel full because it occupies space in our stomach. If we drink it before a meal, when were ready to eat we dont have that starving feeling that triggers our brains to overeat. So when you are on a diet that restricts your calories, it only makes sense that you take full advantage of this system.

I lost all my weight using the HCG Diet. The HCG protocol requires you to drink at least a gallon of water each day but Ive noticed that drinking a bit more than a gallon more helps me lose more weight.

I know what youre thinking, "I know why we need to drink water, but it tastes so boring, Lowery!" Yup, I get it. Ive been there. Like I said, I mostly drank soda or milk. But now I rarely even want to drink anything besides water. So while it may be difficult to start drinking water, once that habit is formed, your body begins to crave water. To make the tasteless substance easier to get down in the beginning, I would add flavor by putting in lemons or mint leaves. Eventually it got to the point that I didnt need those things.

Heres how this drinking water thing is going to work for you:

Step One: Get a gallon jug. I picked mine up from a gas station for about a buck and I refill it every morning. By buying the jug, you arent refilling bottles up every hour and you can track how much you drink easily.

Step Two: Set reminder or alarms on your phone or write them on a jug to drink 1/4 of the water before breakfast, 1/4 of the jug after breakfast, 1/4 of the jug before lunch, 1/4 of the jug after lunch. Boom, a gallon. Then fill your gallon up a little more and sip on that through dinner time.

Step Three: Keep your jug next to you at all times. If you get thirsty drink from the jug (it makes it easier to track). You can drink more than 1/4 at a time if you want to, but it helps some people to space it out.

Step Four: I prefer to chug my water, but some people prefer to sip. Whichever way you do it just make sure you get the 1/4 in before you meals.

See! Its pretty straight forward. Ill be honest, the first couple weeks youll have to pee like crazy but after awhile your trips to the bathroom become less frequent. Plus, not only will the water help your appetite, but it help prevent breakouts and dry skin! Win-Win.

How do you make sure you stay hydrated?

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