No Christmas Spirit

I am positive this is all due to Barry being dead, but I have none. zilch. zip.  zero. none.

I have my tree up, and all my decor.  I even put light up candy canes outside on my front lawn, and you can see my tree through my bay window from the outside, and it looks awesome.

Yet something is missing.  It doesnt feel like Christmas here at all.  Well, maybe a little bit, but not very much at all.  I have all my shopping done, but have not wrapped any presents.  I have not done any baking.  I rarely listen to Christmas music.  We finally put together our gingerbread house last night.

In years past, this was all the norm.  I made dozens and dozens of cookies, Christmas music was on all the time ad nauseum, and I was just so excited for Christmas to come.  I shopped and shopped and planned everything out to the last detail.

Last year obviously was the exception, and I didnt do anything.  We didnt even make a gingerbread house, which has been a yearly tradition since I can remember.  Since E was a baby in 2002 actually.  Last year was horrid.  My friend Rebecca mentioned that because last year was such a blur, we were still in shock, that its all hitting me this year.

I am doing so many different things this year, that its a bit disconcerting I think.  Maybe because we are going to Canada for Christmas that I havent really planned too much.  Or maybe because Barry isnt with us anymore, that it doesnt feel like Christmas anymore.  This is our first "real" normal Christmas without him, and it isnt even a real Christmas because we are going out of the country and spending it with my family.

I have to force myself to wrap presents for the kids and I actually, Im so slow with that!  I dont know, I just dont seem to care this year.  Maybe Ill feel differently once we get to my moms place on Christmas eve and start celebrating.  But until then, I wont really know.  I just dont care about the holiday, and almost wish it would just be over and done with already.

Someone needs to give me some Christmas spirit and stat!  Lets not even talk about New Years Eve yet.

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Happy New Year!

I intended to start this year off good, and I have done that already! Im sorry for my recent absence, the Christmas season was incredibly busy for us and full of family, and lots of fun.

Christmas turned out quite well, albeit very busy for us.  We left here early Christmas eve and got to my dads house shortly before noon, so it really only took me a few hours driving.  That day was insane! We were at my dads for a few hours, then went to my moms house for Christmas eve with my mom, step dad, brother, sister, step brother, and myself and all the kids.  Then much to my surprise, two old family friends showed up that I hadnt seen since 99 probably!!  They were best friends with my brother and sister, and I used to babysit them, plus we were all neighbors years ago.  It was a great day, and we had a ton of fun.

Christmas day was fun, but with normal family drama, and a turkey that just took forever and a day to cook.  My oldest Uncle was there, and I hadnt seen him since July of 97, so that was just a real treat to spend time with him again.  The kids took to him like glue, and we got a lot of great family photos with him and my dad, step mom and all of us kids plus my kids.  It was a really long day though, and we were exhausted by the time it was over.

Boxing day (the day after Christmas for you non-Canadians), my brother, sister and I went to my Omas house for lunch, and spent the morning with her.  She made us a pot of delicious homemade pea soup, which we all just loved.  Then it was time for my brother and I to bring my sister home, so we did so, but then got caught at the border for an hour, and didnt get home till 6PM that day.  It was just go-go-go the whole time, but we had a great time, and it was nice to reconnect with family again.  We hadnt seen my brother in a year either, because he lives so far away, so he stayed to visit with us for a couple days too.  So really, we were non-stop from Christmas eve till the 28th, a busy 5 days it was.

And then yesterday was New Years Eve!!  I remember last year I was dreading New Years Eve, it was a horrible day for me.  I didnt want to leave Barry behind in 2009, so passing into 2010 was quite hard for me.  But I really think I did OK this past year, I had a lot of ups and downs, my life completely turned around and went in so many directions I never ever imagined possible.



I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and a wonderful new years!!

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Awkward Christmas Photo Contest

We all have a hidden stash of awkward Christmas photos. Whether its your kid freaking out about sitting on Santas lap or modeling that awful Christmas sweater your aunt gave you, its time to pull em out and share them for the whole internet to see. Trust me, it could pay off. 

HCG Triumph is having an awkward family photo contest where they are giving the winner a prize pack of health goodies worth over $350. It is so easy to enter.

 1. Just go to their Facebook, Pinterest, or Instagram profile.

 2. Like/Follow. Upload your pic or pictures (post it to their wall if youre posting on FB) 

 3. Add the hashtag #HCGTriumphHoliday and a description of the photo. 

Boom. Entered. 

For the official rules, go here. 

Contest submissions will no longer be accepted after December 31st, 2013. Make sure you get your photo submitted! :) 

 

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An Early Christmas Gift

Today I had a wonderful opportunity to visit with some old friends. And by old, I mean old old friends.

When Barry died, I went looking on facebook for some of his old army buddies, and only found two. Coincidentally, one of the guys that I found was a good friend of his when he was over there, and also was a witness in our wedding. On facebook I snooped at his friends list, and saw who his wife was and where she lived...well, I put two and two together, and raced to my phone book.

Want to know why? They live in the same town as me. Well, not officially, but they are in the next town over, which actually happens to be the next major street over from me. We live maybe 3 minutes apart. And you know how long they have lived there? almost 3 years. Three long years. We have lived here in the area since late 2005, and in this city for almost two years. So we have technically been "neighbors" for almost two years and never knew it.

Today we finally got the opportunity to get together. How bittersweet it was.

I heard the dog barking when they came in the yard, and raced out onto the porch to greet them. I said hello to his wife, and just beamed when I saw him. We gave each other the biggest hug. It has been 9 years since I have seen Aaron, the last time was when we left Germany. And then I cried and cried, and cried some more while we hugged hello.

I cant explain how great it was to see him. I felt like I had a tie to my past. Someone who can help me remember Barry, what our life was like back then. Aaron and I can tell some crazy stories about life back then (I lived in the barracks with all them for a few months before Barry and I got our apartment), and it was just so great to be able to relive that with someone who was actually there.

But at the same time, it was so sad for me to see Aaron and Shilo. When I found out they lived so close, my heart just dropped. To know that he could have come to Barrys funeral just made me feel sick to my stomach. To know that we lived so close for years, and now theyre leaving in March :( Ill be honest, I feel like Barry is being taken away from me all over again because theyre leaving. Its so hard to explain, but when you get such a reunion and a tie to your past like I did, then you dont want to let it go. But at least we will have facebook for after they leave, we can still keep in touch.

We were able to visit for an hour and a half, and remember all the crazy stories. Talk about people we knew from back then, all the fun stuff we did, and they did with Barry. He told stuff about our wedding day that I had forgotten. Do you know how wonderful it is to get someone elses perspective on that? It was the best feeling in the world. It was so healing to laugh

I have to thank Aaron and Shilo for coming over. I immensely enjoyed our visit, and I cant wait till we get together again. Aaron I dont think I can ever tell you how much it meant to me to see you. You are such a wonderful person, you were so kind and it made me feel great that you were so happy to see me. You are a tie to my past and I am so glad we know each other again.

When they left, I just had to cry and cry and cry again as we said goodbye. I dont even know why I was crying, but it was such an emotional visit. I am so glad I was able to do it.

Heres to Old and New friends! I love you all!!!

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Reason 1 Why You Cant Lose Weight Youre a Failure!

Do you ever feel like a failure? What about when it comes to eating healthy, exercising or doing a diet program?

I read an interesting article (which Im not entirely sure is reliable) that stated that the average woman who diets will try two times as many diets as shell have sexual partners. So... Whats your number? No... not number of sexual partners, how many diets have you tried?

Im not sure that this rings true in all cases, but even just thinking about it, I know true for some of my girlfriends. In some cases, Im willing to bet its more than twice the amount.

I read another statistic that by the end of her life, the average woman has spent 31 years dieting! WHHHHAAAATTTT? How crazy is that? Why do we do it to ourselves? Well I think part of it is the media telling us that we need a diet to be thinner and happier, but I also think that the larger part of it is a continual cycle of negative self talk.

 Heres what I mean:

Youre feeling great, you feel like you look great. Then something happens. Youre out with family and they pressure you into eating bad food, or you have a bad day and slip up. Then suddenly you feel fat and bloated. Thats when you start your diet. The First week, youre losing weight and you feel good. Then you have a hard day and binge. You get discouraged for having a hard day, you feel like a failure so you eat more. You feel like a hopeless case so you try to act like youre OK with not losing weight. You decide to just try to be healthy instead of focusing on weight loss. Your healthier choices make you feel good, you feel like you look good... and then the cycle starts again.

Lets correct some of the emotional, negative statements from the image:
1) You are NOT a failure because you slip up.
2) You do NOT suck.
3) You are NOT a pig.

4) You CAN lose weight
5) You CAN decide to do better
6) You CAN feel confident regardless of how much you weigh

Lets look at the facts of the situation. You messed up. You know that sticking to your diet makes you feel good. You know that eating bad food makes you feel bad. But all of these things are easily changed.

YOURE A FAILURE!

As soon as you tell yourself youre a failure, youve failed. Not because you arent good at a diet, but because youve failed to find the innate value of all of the other things that make you an incredible person. Youve failed to get back on the horse. Having a binge day is not a failure. Its a human experience that you can learn to control. The real failure is in convincing yourself that you arent capable of doing hard things. The real failure is negative self-talk.

Even the best of us do it. Each day we wake up we wage a war on ourselves wishing we were taller, shorter, skinnier, curvier, darker, lighter, happier, funnier. We do it to ourselves, and its time to stop.

Im not saying that we stop making an effort to be healthier or to improve ourselves. What Im saying is that if you decide that you want to lose weight, and if you decide that you want to go on a diet, make sure you are avoiding this cycle. More often than not, negativity and feeling like a failure are the main reasons people give up on their diets.

So how do you stop it? How do you break the cycle even when youve messed up? Its simple, so simple, in fact, that I can sum up the idea in two words: Begin Again.

 So what? You binged. Honestly darling, its not a big deal. Im going to let you in on a little  BIG secret: if you get back on track the next day, chances are most of the weight you gained (if any) will come off within 48 hours. All you have to do is give it two honest days of sticking to your program. Boom. Youre back on track.

When you feel negative, remind yourself that you have more to offer this world besides being thin. You are so much more than a number on your scale, and if youre trying to improve that number, dont let the progress or setbacks of that one goal affect your ENTIRE day, week or even month. Its only a small aspect of who you are so it only deserves a small aspect of your emotions. There is always tomorrow. Breathe in and begin again.

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