Im Tired

There are good days and bad days, and today is a bad day.

Im overwhelmed, stressed to the max and all I can do is cry right now.

I havent been sleeping too well lately either, and that certainly does not help in the stress department. Im trying, but not doing too well. Its not that I dont sleep well, its the getting to bed part that I have trouble with, and falling asleep on time. Time to take some more Valerian root I think before I go to bed each night.

I woke up sometime during the night crying because I had been crying in my dream. I dreamt about Barry. In my dream I was crying because he was dead, and I woke up crying in real life. I dont even remember what the dream was about, but it has sorely affected my mood today. Ive tried to keep it together, but all Ive been able to do is cry, and wonder to myself "Why the fuck is this my life?" I just want to crawl into a hole and wake up the day before my house-warming party. Plus, I woke up with a sore throat and a semi-sore right ear. FML.

I am only slightly overwhelmed right now with moving. I have mostly done the shed, just have to empty a few bins and consolidate them with others. The girls room is all packed except for clothes, and the boys room is all done except for his Legos, clothes and a few odds and ends. Living room is basically done, and almost all the toys are packed. The kitchen needs to be done, but the cupboards are almost empty of food, just the dishes that need packed and brought to goodwill. And then we have my computer desk and my bedroom that need to be done. And of course, there will be all the odds and ends to do too, but that is to be expected. I am thankful that the packing isnt too much of a worry anymore. I will get that done.

But I also have stuff I have to buy yet. Dish Network is coming on the 4Th so I have to have my TV bought and set up by then. Im just freaking out a little about that. And I desperately need a new computer desk, because the one I have here is not a good set up for where the computer will be going in the new house. So I have to pick out and buy a new desk, something that will fit where my computer will be, and have room for the tower. But I also have to have it brought to the house or delivered, and put it together and find someone to help me with that. I wonder if its worth it to just pay the extra money to have someone set it up. I might pay an extra $100 or so, but frankly...right now, I dont give a damn. Ill spend the extra money, because it is pretty hard to carry a 100lb box by yourself, right?

Anyone know of a place where I can just rent a husband? That is what I need, a man to help me out around the house. Anyone??

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Two More Sleeps!!

Well in Barrys own words, "The shits about to hit the fan".

Two days and counting. Two more sleeps left in this house!

Today I was at the new house because the bulk of my furniture was being delivered. I had a sectional, a couch, an end table, two coffee tables, a chest of drawers and a dresser delivered. Still coming in the next month is my night stand, mirror and arm chair. Props to Macys because they came ON TIME and were out of the house by 10AM!! I was incredibly impressed with them.

What I am not impressed with is the way the furniture is arranged. My friends and I have some re-arranging to do, because I dont like the flow of the living room. The TV stand and TV are not centered with the TV and it looks "off", so that will be something we have to work on.

My sister and a mutual friend were over yesterday and cleaned out (almost) my entire kitchen, save for a few cupboards and the fridge. All of the kitchen is packed (and unpacked in the new house) except for a few minor things. I hadnt seen my sissy poo since December, so it was nice to visit with her and Suzy. We drank too much wine, and laughed and cried about everything. We were sad to see them leave last night, but well see them again soon.

Yesterday I was also blessed to receive an email from my MOPS group coordinator. I have a bevy of ladies coming over tomorrow to help me pack up the rest of the house! Theyll also be helping me clean this place out. I just about cried when I saw that email, what a blessing they have been to me this year, especially in the last 6 months since Barry passed.

Ive been wanting to talk about how Im feeling lately, but I just dont have the words right now. More in depth blog posts will be coming soon about that, I just cant do it right now. Im still struggling, and still having trouble believing he is dead sometimes, feeling like I am in a dream. With moving and all that that entails, its just too much to get into my emotions right now.

That being said, I think this will be my last blog post from this house! I do have one scheduled for Friday morning, a goodbye post to this house, that will post automatically. My internet wont be hooked up till Saturday sometime, so I will be absent for a few days. I hope everyone has a fantastic Easter weekend! Think of us in the next few days as we deal with all the chaos that moving entails, and leave this house and move into our new one without Barry.

Happy Easter!

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