No Christmas Spirit

I am positive this is all due to Barry being dead, but I have none. zilch. zip.  zero. none.

I have my tree up, and all my decor.  I even put light up candy canes outside on my front lawn, and you can see my tree through my bay window from the outside, and it looks awesome.

Yet something is missing.  It doesnt feel like Christmas here at all.  Well, maybe a little bit, but not very much at all.  I have all my shopping done, but have not wrapped any presents.  I have not done any baking.  I rarely listen to Christmas music.  We finally put together our gingerbread house last night.

In years past, this was all the norm.  I made dozens and dozens of cookies, Christmas music was on all the time ad nauseum, and I was just so excited for Christmas to come.  I shopped and shopped and planned everything out to the last detail.

Last year obviously was the exception, and I didnt do anything.  We didnt even make a gingerbread house, which has been a yearly tradition since I can remember.  Since E was a baby in 2002 actually.  Last year was horrid.  My friend Rebecca mentioned that because last year was such a blur, we were still in shock, that its all hitting me this year.

I am doing so many different things this year, that its a bit disconcerting I think.  Maybe because we are going to Canada for Christmas that I havent really planned too much.  Or maybe because Barry isnt with us anymore, that it doesnt feel like Christmas anymore.  This is our first "real" normal Christmas without him, and it isnt even a real Christmas because we are going out of the country and spending it with my family.

I have to force myself to wrap presents for the kids and I actually, Im so slow with that!  I dont know, I just dont seem to care this year.  Maybe Ill feel differently once we get to my moms place on Christmas eve and start celebrating.  But until then, I wont really know.  I just dont care about the holiday, and almost wish it would just be over and done with already.

Someone needs to give me some Christmas spirit and stat!  Lets not even talk about New Years Eve yet.

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Happy New Year!

I intended to start this year off good, and I have done that already! Im sorry for my recent absence, the Christmas season was incredibly busy for us and full of family, and lots of fun.

Christmas turned out quite well, albeit very busy for us.  We left here early Christmas eve and got to my dads house shortly before noon, so it really only took me a few hours driving.  That day was insane! We were at my dads for a few hours, then went to my moms house for Christmas eve with my mom, step dad, brother, sister, step brother, and myself and all the kids.  Then much to my surprise, two old family friends showed up that I hadnt seen since 99 probably!!  They were best friends with my brother and sister, and I used to babysit them, plus we were all neighbors years ago.  It was a great day, and we had a ton of fun.

Christmas day was fun, but with normal family drama, and a turkey that just took forever and a day to cook.  My oldest Uncle was there, and I hadnt seen him since July of 97, so that was just a real treat to spend time with him again.  The kids took to him like glue, and we got a lot of great family photos with him and my dad, step mom and all of us kids plus my kids.  It was a really long day though, and we were exhausted by the time it was over.

Boxing day (the day after Christmas for you non-Canadians), my brother, sister and I went to my Omas house for lunch, and spent the morning with her.  She made us a pot of delicious homemade pea soup, which we all just loved.  Then it was time for my brother and I to bring my sister home, so we did so, but then got caught at the border for an hour, and didnt get home till 6PM that day.  It was just go-go-go the whole time, but we had a great time, and it was nice to reconnect with family again.  We hadnt seen my brother in a year either, because he lives so far away, so he stayed to visit with us for a couple days too.  So really, we were non-stop from Christmas eve till the 28th, a busy 5 days it was.

And then yesterday was New Years Eve!!  I remember last year I was dreading New Years Eve, it was a horrible day for me.  I didnt want to leave Barry behind in 2009, so passing into 2010 was quite hard for me.  But I really think I did OK this past year, I had a lot of ups and downs, my life completely turned around and went in so many directions I never ever imagined possible.



I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and a wonderful new years!!

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