Two More Sleeps!!

Well in Barrys own words, "The shits about to hit the fan".

Two days and counting. Two more sleeps left in this house!

Today I was at the new house because the bulk of my furniture was being delivered. I had a sectional, a couch, an end table, two coffee tables, a chest of drawers and a dresser delivered. Still coming in the next month is my night stand, mirror and arm chair. Props to Macys because they came ON TIME and were out of the house by 10AM!! I was incredibly impressed with them.

What I am not impressed with is the way the furniture is arranged. My friends and I have some re-arranging to do, because I dont like the flow of the living room. The TV stand and TV are not centered with the TV and it looks "off", so that will be something we have to work on.

My sister and a mutual friend were over yesterday and cleaned out (almost) my entire kitchen, save for a few cupboards and the fridge. All of the kitchen is packed (and unpacked in the new house) except for a few minor things. I hadnt seen my sissy poo since December, so it was nice to visit with her and Suzy. We drank too much wine, and laughed and cried about everything. We were sad to see them leave last night, but well see them again soon.

Yesterday I was also blessed to receive an email from my MOPS group coordinator. I have a bevy of ladies coming over tomorrow to help me pack up the rest of the house! Theyll also be helping me clean this place out. I just about cried when I saw that email, what a blessing they have been to me this year, especially in the last 6 months since Barry passed.

Ive been wanting to talk about how Im feeling lately, but I just dont have the words right now. More in depth blog posts will be coming soon about that, I just cant do it right now. Im still struggling, and still having trouble believing he is dead sometimes, feeling like I am in a dream. With moving and all that that entails, its just too much to get into my emotions right now.

That being said, I think this will be my last blog post from this house! I do have one scheduled for Friday morning, a goodbye post to this house, that will post automatically. My internet wont be hooked up till Saturday sometime, so I will be absent for a few days. I hope everyone has a fantastic Easter weekend! Think of us in the next few days as we deal with all the chaos that moving entails, and leave this house and move into our new one without Barry.

Happy Easter!

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A Poem For Barry

This poem was in the guest book I picked out for the funeral. I really do like it, so I wanted to share it with you all. It was read at his funeral, and I also read it to all the people in my Grief Works group when I did my talk about Barry. I had lost the guest book, and just found it over the weekend when I unpacked a box. I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief when I saw that little white cardboard box that it was enclosed in.

When I Must Leave You

When I must leave you

For a little while

Please do not grieve

And shed wild tears

And hug your sorrow to you

Through the years,

But start out bravely

With a gallant smile;

And for my sake

And in my name

Live on and do

All things the same,

Feed not your loneliness

On empty days,

But fill each waking hour

In useful ways,

Reach out your hand

In comfort and in cheer

And I in turn will comfort you

And hold you near;

And never, never

Be afraid to die,

For I am waiting for you in the sky!

Helen Steiner Rice

I found it incredibly amazing that whenever I need him, hes always there. I find little glimpses of him when I am missing him, or even when I least expect it, completely unaware that I need him, and then he just shows up.

When I was the funeral home, I didnt even put two and two together, but re-reading this poem, it is exactly what Barry would say to me. He would tell me to go on, do things and make something of myself, rather than sitting around and be mopey and lonely. He would say "get off your ass Joanna! Go clean my house!", or something along those lines. He doesnt, and wouldnt want me to sit around and dwell on what isnt is anymore. Barry would insist I get on with my life, and be there for the kids and myself, and he would want us to live and be happy.

Barry speaks to me in little ways at the most random times. This also happened when I found two letters he wrote me. The last letter he wrote me was actually written just over two years ago, January 2008, after he gave me my locket. Perhaps I will share that sometime. I dont know why, but I truly believe that he is still here with us, and he speaks to me when he knows I need encouragement. I cant hear his voice, but in the words he wrote with his own hand, or a poem I picked out for him, I can hear him in my head encouraging me, talking to me, telling me how proud he is of me, and how much he loves me.

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