Dear Barry and A Year Of Memories

I guess April was just too much of a crazy month for me, because I forgot a couple A year of Memories posts. The day in question was April 8th, 1999, but I wont be writing about it after all because it wasnt a very good memory for Barry and I. After the years had passed, we always laughed about it, but Id still rather not write about it. And with that....

Dearest Barry,

Today was May 1st. You know what that means!!!

We missed you so much this weekend. Friday night the kids and I had cake, like we always do on April 30th ;-), and a special dinner. Maybe not super special this year, but the kids wanted pizza, so I picked up our favorite frozen DiGiornos, and a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting (because that has always been your favorite) for dessert. Before we ate, I dug out the black candles and lit the big black pillar for you, and placed it in the middle of the table. As we ate, I had all of us go around and say a special memory we had of you. Mine was how you laughed like a little girl, and the kids also mentioned how you stank up the bathroom, snored all the time and farted a lot. Leave it to our kids to remember that stuff, lol. We all had a good laugh at that. A refused to talk, as always. I also read to the kids a bit about the history of this weekend!

This morning we woke up to a breakfast of orange breakfast rolls with icing, and chocolate milk. It was fabulous! We got ready, and then headed out to North West Trek. Do you remember how you and I were planning on going for Es birthday in October? You really wanted to go see the Cats! :) The kids and I had been talking about what to do for this weekend for months, and it was their idea to go to NWT because we knew you had wanted to. So we did that today, and celebrated the day just as we would had you been there! It was our tribute to you, darling, because you couldnt be there in person.

We spent all day there, and I got so many pictures. I am quite positive you knew we were going, because ALL the animals were out, and I got so many pictures. I took over 450 pictures today! So many of the cats too. Oh, they were gorgeous Barry, you would have loved them! We spent a long time at the Cougar enclosure :)

Our plan was to eat at KFC for dinner, but the kids wanted Subway! On our way home, we picked it up and ate at home, ending our special day. I will be continuing this tradition with the kids for as long as is possible...forever I think, and we will always be doing something fun, as because of you, this tradition started.

Tonight after dinner, I made this stupid mistake of reading your twitter page. I resembled a raccoon by the time I was done, as I was sobbing uncontrollably. I MISS YOU. Oh how I miss you darling. It was so neat to see your tweets though, to see your witty self coming through those words on the screen, but it only made me feel worse. I dont think Ill be reading it for awhile again though. What really made me cry though, was reading your tweets when you were sick, saying you had a killer immune system etc etc. And then your very last one, saying you were in the hospital with pneumonia, ending it with an FML. You didnt know, did you? sigh. I wish we could turn back the clock and pause forever in August and early September. If only we could, right?

Well my dear, Doctor Who is on and I have to go. You know how that is ;-) I love you and adore you, and miss you so much. Ill see you in my dreams, I hope.

Love forever and always,

Me

xoxoxoxp

p.s. As I was reading your tweets, I found the one you wrote to me last summer about Hades licking the blinds strings in the old house. And guess what? He does it here too! LOL I had to laugh the other day when I saw him doing that. Crazy cat!!

*************

Every year from April 30th-May 1st, we have a family day. If May 1st even falls on a school day, the kids are taken out of school. It doesnt matter, that is the protocol for our family. That is how important this day is to us. Every year we do something fun, and last year we went to Woodland Park Zoo in Seattle. Last year too, we were behind schedule, same as today! haha Guess that has also become tradition :)

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Facing My Own Mortality

Without even knowing it, Ive been running myself ragged the last six months, and especially so the last few weeks or so as we got ready to, and moved. This resulted in my getting sick, and not being able to shake it.

I thought I was doing fine, I just had a cold with a cough,and a bit of congested chest and nose, and finally felt like I was on the mend yesterday. But then starting late afternoon, my throat started to hurt and I just started having a feeling of general malaise. Towards the end of the evening though, it started to get worse and worse,, and I was laying on the couch barely able to get up. I was very cold, yet I didnt have a fever and the house was warm. I went to bed on time, and intended to get up at 6:30Am to exercise on my new Elliptical machine. Nuh Uh! My body had other plans. When I went to bed, I was freezing, huddled under the covers and feeling like I was in a sauna. I sure felt nice and hot under there, it was wonderfully toasty warm. Throughout the night though, I kept waking up in a feverish state, dreaming crazy things and tossing the covers off over and over, and all over the place. I woke up at 5:30, and promptly changed my alarm to my regular school day wake up time. No way I was getting up at 6:30AM. It turns out I DID have a fever, almost 101!! I just popped a few motrin an hour ago, and I am starting to feel slightly normal. But I am so sweaty from my fever that my back was as wet as when I am done working out. Ewww!

Anyway, last night as I lay huddled under my covers, all toasty warm, I was actually scared to go to sleep. I actually considered trying to stay up all night because I was afraid I was so sick I wouldnt wake up. I didnt want to leave the kids with no parents.

That was the first time I actually felt like that, and was scared for my own life. I know I just have a touch of the flu, but thats how Barry got sick. And now hes dead. I dont know if Id call that a form of PTSD, but I was definitely scared. I had to calm myself down as best as I could, and let sleep overcome me. I remember feeling relieved when I woke up at 5:30 this morning, kind of thinking "Im not dead!". I guess well all have to face our own mortality sooner or later, but at least I can be rest assured that I have at least one more day to live.

That being said, Im going to go snooze on my couch. Im fading fast and I am so exhausted. I see a lot of orange juice in my near future.

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