Time to move on

Well my dear friends, family, and readers, time has come for me to end this blog.  I will do one last post, on October 10th, to mark the 2 year anniversary of Barrys passing, but that will be the last one on this blog.  I will be starting up a new one, so if you are interested, please contact me and I will let you know when it is up and running.

I just feel that I am moving away from this.  The identity I had with this blog was of Barrys wife, the mother of his children, the woman that posted tons of recipes and crafts, the woman that then watched her husband die in front of her eyes, and lastly...Barrys widow.

I will always be Barrys widow, my widowhood will always be with me, and I will identify as a widow for the rest of my life.  Moving forward wont change who I am, and what I have experienced.  But, I want to start a new blog as Joanna.  The single widowed mom of four children, 2 dogs, and two cats.  I dont want a blog that involves Barry as the main subject, I want a blog about ME and my kids.  I love to write, and I can write well, but this blog feels stifling to me.

I am going to write about Barrys death for you all.  You have all been such wonderful amazing followers, and supported me through my darkest times.  But that will be my last post here, and I will also have my new blog information for you all by then.

Thank you so much for all your support, especially during the last two years of my life.

Read More..

One More Milestone Come and Gone

Today marked As first day of kindergarten!!

I had mixed emotions the whole day because I just wasnt sure what all this would bring, what emotions I would feel, would I cry or not.  And the truth is, it was a little hard for me, and I did cry a little bit this morning.  But she did SO well, and she absolutely LOVED it.  I am incredibly glad that it went well for her.

A is my baby, and I always knew this day would be hard because Id be essentially sending her off into the world.  As we drove to school, I told her how much I would miss her, and she told me she didnt want me to cry.  But I did a little bit as I said goodbye to her at school.  I missed her.  She has been my little sidekick since she was born, and has spent the most time with me by herself than any of the other kids did.  I took loads of pictures of her at school, and of all the kids this morning, as is tradition in this house!

What really bothered me is that Barry missed this.  One more milestone, come and gone without him.  It hurts, and it stings to see the other dads there with their wives, picking up the kids or dropping them off for their first day.  I wish I could take that away from her.  I did tell her however, that daddy would be SO proud of her, and that he was in her heart today with her as she started school (2nd time that my eyes welled up today!).  He would have loved to be there for her...It just breaks my heart that he missed such an important day for her.

And as I type this, I find my eyes welling up again, for the fourth time today actually.  Wishing so badly I could tell Barry about her first day of school, send him the pictures.  Tell him that the twins are in 5th grade!!! FIFTH GRADE already!! That just blows my mind...and E already in 4th.   That three of our children are the tallest in their classes, and quite possibly grades too.  He would be beaming from ear to ear, he loved our kids so much.

I just wish I could tell him.

Read More..