I am Blessed

The last few weeks the kids and I, and Barry, were very blessed by our community, our friends and our family.

While Barry was in the hospital, I had some meals brought to us, and families at the kids school provided us with many, many, gift cards for various restaurants and grocery stores around the area. I have only used one of the gift cards, and am saving them for when we need them.

After Barry passed, my friends set up meals for us. This was just incredible. My MOPS group, the Kids school (via a friend of mine), and my Meet Up group each took a week. I dont have to cook until November 1st. And actually, much later than that because we have so many left overs in the freezer. At Barrys service, I came home with TONS of lasagna, 3 are in my freezer, plus an additional few meals that we had leftovers from. Ladies from my MOPS Group fed us at the reception too.

Also, my oldest friend Rina, over at GottaLittleSpace set up a Pay Pal donation fund for us, family members, friend from school, and many other friends have donated to us as well.

I have made new friends during this time, and lost some. You really do see peoples true colors during times like this. I have to say though, I am so very incredibly grateful for EVERYONE that has donated food, time and money to the kids and I. You really dont know what it has meant to us. I dont think that I could ever find the words to express our thankfulness, because there just arent enough words to express what I am trying to say. I truly wish that this didnt have to happen, I would give it all back just to have Barry back, but unfortunately that is not an option. I am still thankful though.


Thank You a million times over!

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What is MY Purpose

Ive been a Stay At Home Mom for 9 years now! 9 long years!!!

The last paying job I had was working for AAFES, and I quit because we were due to come back to the States since Barry was discharged from the ARMY. So, I was a stay at home mom from the time I was 7 months pregnant with the twins till present time.

These last 9 years I have been a Wife and all that entails, Mommy, Homemaker, Housekeeper, Nurse, Doctor, Hairdresser, Lawn Mower, Garbage taker-outer, Christmas present wrapper, everything.

I am now everything but the Wife.

And I feel lost, confused, bored...everything.

Our plan was for me to get a job once the baby started 1st grade, which is in 3 years. But honestly, I dont know that I can wait that long. I might have to though, but I refuse to put the kid in daycare just to get a job. Its a conundrum.

I dont know what to do with myself. Im so bored. I dont think there has been one day since the family left that we havent gone out and done something. Either were running errands, going to the mall, going to the library, going to friends houses, or going on field trips with my Meet UP group. The thing is, this IS my life, this HAS been my life for the last 9 years, so why am I suddenly disenchanted with it?

I feel like I am a contradiction. How can I be a stay at home mom if I dont have a husband? Well, I do have a husband, but hes been stuffed into a nice wooden box on my entertainment center, and a plastic bag filled with extras that I requested for us to go to Build A Bear. If that sounds callous, you should know I just have to joke sometimes; Barry called it gallows humor. I never understood it until he died.

Anyway, I just dont see what my purpose is right now. I can still be a stay at home mom, I dont have to work if I dont want to, but I am bored and uninspired. Ive thought about looking into some sort of schooling, but I dont want to do that till the baby is in school either. I cant take time away from the kids right now because they need me. I have tons of crafts to catch up on, I have a brand new sewing machine sitting on my hope chest that I havent opened yet and Ive had for 3 weeks. I could always sew, but right now I just dont feel like it. Maybe in a week or two. Ive got two years of scrap booking to catch up on too. I am however, going to get my YMCA membership back, I think working out again in the mornings will really help me out, and waste some time as well. Ive been feeling the need to let the elliptical trainer kick my ass again.

What suggestions can you readers give me on how to occupy myself other than crafting and sewing? Do you think I should get a job, or should I be here for the kids? And what the heck am I going to do next year once the baby starts Pre-K? Ill be bored out of my mind.

Its almost like I need another man to take care of*....


*maybe one day*

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